


Show me this life

by Vofastudum



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Happy Ending, Healing, Hiding, Hurt/Comfort, Partnership, Post Hogwarts AU, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 08:44:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14328795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vofastudum/pseuds/Vofastudum
Summary: She found him, she saved him and she’s so much more than he ever thought. But it demands the end to find the beginning. WarAU, HG/DM.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot is mine. All you can recognize belongs to the mastermind J. K. Rowling and the lyrics in the beginning of every chapter are a work of art by the band Poets Of The Fall.

_What is beauty compared to grief_  
_What is joy in league with sorrow_  
_A dead rushes' fleet drifting on a quiet tide_

_N' does a sunset know its worth_  
_Making yesterday tomorrow_  
_Is there a silence on this earth before every tear's been cried_

_~ Poets Of The Fall, Rebirth~_

This was it,

the end

He was finished

finito

caput

dying.

But why the fuck was dying this hard? this painful?

Wasn't he just supposed to feel nothing and walk towards the light?

But no, of course not. Why on earth was he expecting that after everything, all the sins, all the crimes, he'd be let go painlessly?

He had been numb for so long, but now, as he lay dying, he was feeling it all.

Never had he been so aware of his beating heart, pumping blood out of his system. He felt every stone and knot on the ground he was lying on, and the pain…it was everywhere, blinding, consuming.

Dying made him think of his life or the pathetic miserable excuse of a life, he had lived, but also of the times, long ago, when he recalled being happy.

Flying for the first time…

His mother laughing and hugging him on the garden…

His mother's beautiful blooming garden…

The smell of flowers in Amortentia potion…

First, ride on the train to Hogwarts…

Chocolate frogs and Berttie Bott's…

Befriending Theo Nott and Blaise Zabini on their third year…

the Yule ball…

Pansy Parkinson on her underwear…

the last drunken summer holiday between fifth and sixth year…

...After that, it had all been just a prelude to this: him lying on the ground, dying.

What if he had done things differently? Would he have been able to change the course before it was too late?

When was the point of no return?

The more he had thought about it, the more certain he was: He was born to this fate, like saint Potter was born savior, he was born a villain…No changing the course of fate... no matter what he would have done, this would always be the result sooner or later, he was sure of it.

Please death, don't make me relive my life on these last moments….

He closed his eyes and waited.

"MALFOY!"

Why the fuck where the voices of death calling him Malfoy?

A soft hand landed on his shoulder.

Yes, he was more than ready to leave this aching body behind, so he opened his eyes.

nonono….this couldn't be happening!

He had expected some angel or maybe a spirit of someone he'd recognize. Someone comforting!

But he was seeing Granger! Potter's best friend, know-it-all, golden girl Granger! Was this his personal hell or what?

Suddenly he did not want to die so much and opened his mouth to complain. But before he got to that everything went black.

.

.

.

Next thing he knew was waking up, sunlight hurting his eyes. Then the bang of pain all over his body.

The damn pain again! Why couldn't he be dead and painless already!

He blinked, and instead of the forest he expected to see, he saw books.

Piles and piles of books, on the table, the floor, the selves…where was he?

"Don't move! It'll hurt more!" Said a soft voice as she walked into his view.

She was nearly exactly how he remembered her from the Manor: Her figure was still petite, her hair still unruly, her eyes still chocolate brown. But she seemed tired and worn, and there was sadness in her eyes that made her look very different from their schooldays.

This was Hermione Granger five years into the war.

"I think I've gotten the most lethal wounds to stop bleeding. Your damages are quite severe. I was not sure if you were conscious enough to swallow so I was waiting for you to wake up before I could give you potions for pain. "

It took him a moment to understand what she was saying.

"The books say that when the bleeding is stopped you can be lifted in the seating position. But I was afraid to do that either as long as you were out." She flicked her wand, "stay still"

Pillows appeared behind his back, so he was in a half sitting position on what seemed to be her sofa. She handed him a cup.

He glanced it suspiciously...

"Come on Malfoy, do you really think I would have gone through all the trouble to get you here just to poison you? It's anti-pain potion, drink up."

He shrugged and drank, better be poisoned than stand the pain.

"Why am I here?"

"Would you rather be dead in the forest?"

"Depends on why you brought me here."

She nearly rolled her eyes, "It was the only way I could think of! You would have died there."

"So you figured I'd make a better prisoner than a corpse?" He already knew that wasn't the case. She and her boy-toys had always been too noble for their own good. Maybe she had saved him to feel better about herself…

"I wouldn't say a prisoner, rather a patient"

"You are not a healer! It takes at least six years of training to become one!"

"I'm not, I'm learning!"

"Great, so I'm some test object? That s just great, Granger! Lucky me I didn't die in that forest!"

Of course! She wanted to learn but didn't want to test anything on her precious friends. Who would be better test-dummy than a pathetic Death Eater?

"Whatever Malfoy! If you want to see it that way, fine! I'm not keeping you, hostage, here, you're free to leave. You might even stay alive for a day or two, but the damages you got will eventually kill you. And trust me, it won't be painless or easy."

So he had two brilliant options! Stay and let Granger heal you, owe her a life debt, or go and die in two days in agony. Great! Just great! Fuck!

"And if I choose to stay?" He didn't even dare to look at her.

"You will live here as long as you're healed. You let me do the spells on you and drink the potions I give you. I will not try to hurt you intentionally. I'm not asking you to redeem yourself nor will i feed you any propaganda. But I'm demanding you to treat me with some respect while I save your life! You call me mudblood one time and I will kick you out immediately. You won't search my house while I'm gone, and you won't try to harm me in anyway. When you're healed I will let you go, no questions asked, and you'll be free to do whatever you want. You will not owe me anything."

Right, so she was crazy nowadays. He understood some of her reasons, but he was still a Death Eater, why was he the one she wanted to test her healing spells? Wouldn't she find someone little more innocent to save? But maybe that was exactly the point, if he'd be killed in the process she wouldn't feel so guilty.

"It's not that I can walk out with my own feet." He finally said.

"So, we have a deal?"

He had a bad feeling about this, "Yeah."

 


	2. Chapter 2

_._

_._

_If this machine doesn't stop, what will you do if it never goes out_  
_Never goes out of season_

 _It never stops as it turns, there ain't no passion, yet it burns_  
_Introducing my prison_

 _Losing myself in this place, soon I'm gone without a trace_  
_Freed with that final incision_

 _Look my heart it's a bird, it needs to sing and to be heard_  
_Not this clockwork precision_

 _And the machine grows idiotic_  
_Who's gonna be its ingenious critic_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Revolution Roulette~_

 

He woke up in a desperate need to pee.

It was dark and silent. He needed a moment to remember where he was.

Oh yes, Granger's house. He had agreed to stay here, as her test subject, to keep himself alive a little longer.

It was funny how much he wanted to live. After all, he had been ready to die in the forest. But now, given the opportunity, he was ready to make some sacrifices to keep his life.

Sacrifices like agreeing to Grangers terms and trusting Granger.

She had left him some potion for pain on the table next to him. She had also charmed a chair to float him to the toilet and back when he needed to go. Then she had told him that she was going to lock her bedroom door just in case, warned him not to move much and went to her room.

He still didn't completely buy her reasons for holding him as a 'patient' but not trying to turn him to her side. It didn't seem like she'd get much out of this deal…

After past events, he wasn't so sure about his side anymore though. He was here because his own people had tried to kill him. He was positive that he wouldn't be too welcome back to that side. But he sure as hell was not joining the order either, even if he would be welcome, which he wouldn't be. At the moment his only options seemed to be dead or to stand this.

But he felt claustrophobic here. Granger's apartment was small. Compared to the place he used to live in, this was a cupboard. The sofa he was lying on was in her living room. Every surface was covered in books. The walls were full of shelves with books and the two small tables were cracking under their weight as well. The kitchen was an open one on the left. It had only one sink, a fridge, and a stove.

She wasn't a very tidy person. He reckoned. The kitchen benches, too, were full of pots, pans, and dishes.

The apartment also had a small bathroom. He wondered how anyone could cope with a bathroom so small. It was about the size of his bed back at the manor. And then there was her room, which he hadn't seen.

She could do magic. Why didn't she make this house a little more spacious? And it wouldn't have taken her too much to clean up a little.

Stupid muggle. He thought.

He had been here barely a day and he already felt the walls closing in on him.

He yanked himself to the charmed chair and grimaced. It hurt like hell to move. The potion she had given him only helped on some amount. Moving was still painful.

The chair floated him to her bathroom which smelled like flowers. He wrinkled his nose. How much perfume did she use? She must have splashed it all around the room to get it to smell like this. He didn't like strong smells. His home always smelled only tidy, thanks to his house elf.

No, he should stop thinking 'his house' or 'his house elf'. Those things must have been taken as soon as he was left in the forest. Of course, they wouldn't find anything there. He didn't keep his secrets in the house. On the dark side, a man could trust no one. Lucky, he had known it before he was given the firsthand experience.

Back on the sofa, he drank the potion she had left him and lay down. Closing his eyes, he wished her potion had contained dreamless sleep potion. He really didn't want to wake up in the middle of nightmares.

.

.

.

Someone was attacking him! He woke up and someone was attacking him!

"What the fuck!"

"Relax Malfoy, it's only me."

He opened his eyes and saw Granger hovering over him.

"You can't just do that when I'm sleeping!"

His heart was still hammering against his ribs. He had been ready to reach for his wand and fight. What if he had hit her?

"I'm in a hurry and didn't want to wake you." She sounded almost bored.

"I don't care if you're in a hurry or not! I don't like anyone near me when I sleep!" He didn't feel like calming down.

"Fine!" She huffed, "I'll wake you up next time! Now, will you let me do these spells, so I can be on my way."

He lay back down.

She began to wave her wand.

Maybe a minute went by before he became frustrated.

"How do I know you're not doing more damage!"

She stopped and lifted her gaze.

"I guess you just have to trust me! or do you wish me to quit?" She snapped

Of course not, so he shut his mouth.

She gave him one questioning look and then went back to her work.

For a moment they were both silent. Then she began to talk.

"I think the combinations of all the spells and curses have done damage to nearly all of your internal organs. Yesterday I stopped them from bleeding, but they are still far from healed. Also, some of your ribs are broken and I think your arm too. I don't have skele-gro and I can't do spells that fix bones immediately. I just tried to attach the broken bones to each other and make them grow a little faster, so they'll grow together on their own. I'll repeat the spells I know every morning and evening and try to look for something more effective when I have the time. I'm also brewing you some potions to see if they'll work." She glanced him, "If you remember any of the spells they used it would be helpful."

He was silent.

She rolled her eyes, "Look, Malfoy. I know you don't want to help me, but surely you want to help yourself? So could you just please tell me what you remember!"

He didn't remember much, and he didn't want to reveal to her how fast he had gone unconscious.

"No, I must have hit my head when I fell. I remember cruciatus but not much else." He finally said.

"And the wound across your chest, the one that made you bleed heavily, seems to be sectusempra. I healed it first but it's going to leave a scar." She explained.

"Great, there's room for all the sectusempra scars on my chest" He muttered. His skin was already scarred all around. He didn't need any more scars, he'd begin to resemble Potter.

Suddenly she got up.

"Good. You should cope the day. I need to be on my way."

She went to the kitchen and brought three sandwiches to his table.

"I'll lock the doors because I don't want you to leave without me knowing. The floo lets through only me. I'm gone for a few hours, you should manage with those." she pointed the sandwiches. "Try not to move much."

She turned and flicked her wand and one of the bookshelves turned around to reveal a small fireplace.

"What am I supposed to do here?" The words came out before he could stop them. "I can't move!"

But she had already stepped into the floo and gone.

.

.

.

Seven hours later he was pissed to say at least.

He was not used to surviving that long with few pieces of bread! This was not a few hours. This was the entire day! And she was still gone.

Where was she anyway? She hadn't said anything. Of course, he couldn't expect her to tell him anything. He was here, on her mercy and she had decided to starve him! This was just great!

Fuck Granger! No, that came out wrong! As if he'd touch the bookworm.

Ok, he needed to concentrate…

…when was the last time he'd touched a woman?

No, he needed to concentrate on how to get food! Not getting laid!

…He still wouldn't touch Granger, even if she was the last woman on earth.

Draco! Get a grip!

At the same moment, the floo roared and she was home.

"About time!" He huffed straight away, "Thank you so much for the generous amounts of food you left me! What the fuck took you so long! I'm starving here!"

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry, it took longer than I expected. I should have left you more." She said with a tired voice.

That took him by surprise. He had expected her to argue. Assumed she'd tell him to shut it and cook his own food. But now she was walking towards the kitchen.

"What would you like to eat? Is chicken soup ok?"

His mouth hung open. Was she asking what he wanted to eat?

"What is wrong with you!" He blurted.

"I'm not in the mood for your hostility." She said quietly and continued her cooking.

Seriously? Who was this girl who did not want to argue with him? Definitely not the Hermione Granger he knew.

For a while, they were both silent. He watched her working.

"Why don't you use your wand?"

"I'd rather do everything by myself. Keeps my mind out of things."

"Well, that is just stupid! Doing everything the hard way. You could use a house elf anyway! Apparently, you can't clean with your wand either."

She turned to him and he could see a flash of anger in her eyes.

"If you can't figure anything else to say but insults Malfoy, shut up! I told you already, I'm not in the mood for arguing with you…"

She didn't say 'too'. But he heard it anyway.

"Where were you the whole time?"

She didn't answer.

Suddenly a frightening thought hit him. She had been with The Order? Telling them about him perhaps? Asking their advice for what to do with an injured Death Eater who couldn't move, couldn't run and worst of all had no wand.

"Were you with your precious Order? Asking their advice maybe? What to do with me?" His voice sounded more unsure that he had meant, "Do they all know about me now?"

"No one knows about you."

"What?"

"I told no one!" She said louder. "Do you think, that if I had told anyone you'd still be here? Comfortably on my couch? No, if I'd tell them, you'd be in the prison, at headquarters, being interrogated of the things you know." Now she sounded angry.

"So pray tell me, Granger! Why am I not there? I belong in prison, don't you think?"

She had now forgotten her cooking and was staring at him with blazing eyes.

"Because you'd die there! And they wouldn't give a damn. They wouldn't let anyone heal you as long as you could talk. They wouldn't give you potions for pain. They wouldn't care whether you killed Dumbledore or not. They wouldn't care that your own side nearly killed you because you refused to kill in that forest the other day."

Did she know? How did she know? But he didn't have time to ask, because she went on.

"This is war and they…we… are supposed to be the side of the light. But we have prisoners, who are not treated well. We have very questionable interrogating techniques. And on the battlefield, we kill just as eagerly as any Death Eater…" She snapped her mouth shut.

Too much information, he reckoned.

"You were there? In the forest." Was the only question that came out.

She didn't say anything for a moment.

"Me and Ginny were supposed to protect that family." She said sadly. "The Order did not believe they were important for your side, so they didn't put much thought to their safety."

"They were not important." He said almost to himself, "But they were an easy target. You should have known."

She was staring him now.

"I was there, on the other side of the house when you came. I saw you walking towards the house and then hesitating. I also saw the others dragging you to the forest. I was already leaving but then I thought that this was the second time, you refused to kill someone. So I came looking for you."

He didn't know what to say.

"I might be crazy, but after all I've seen, I believe you don't deserve a faith in The Orders dungeons. Not yet at least"

Always so noble "You might be wrong."

She looked at him a while with unreadable eyes.

Then she turned back to her stove. "I might."

 


	3. 3

_._

_._

_Looking at the road that rises up ahead_  
_I thought I'd learned a thing or two_  
_But this is where it's all made new_  
_N' I gotta throw my hands up_  
_I can't go on if I can't stop_

_Look the leaves are dead_  
_The moments gone, there's no surrender_  
_Forever now unsaid_  
_The words that might've warmed December_  
_Cos it's all inside your head_  
_Like fragments of a dream you remember_  
_So never mind, your clever mind, never mind me_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Clevermind~_

 

Another night…He was lying awake thinking. Not that he wasn't tired. He felt exhausted. It must be the constant healing his body went through.

Granger had gone to bed after making him drink some potions. They had tasted hideous!

She had also done some spells, and just like in the morning she had explained to him what she was doing.

It was a bit confusing and oddly comforting actually... Having her telling him what she was doing.

He had expected her to just treat him and ignore his complaining. But she had talked in a quiet voice through every movement her wand made. And he had been so astounded he couldn't say a thing.

All of a sudden her wand waving had stopped. She had told him good night and went to her room locking the door behind her.

That wasn't the part that made him thoughtful… But her outburst earlier today... She hadn't confirmed his suspicions of her having been with the order. But he wasn't that stupid. He knew her silence meant that was exactly where she'd been.

But the way she talked about them and their methods. It had made him memorize the few times he had faced The Order on the battlefield. He hadn't had time to think about their behavior then, but now thinking back… If you called yourselves 'the side of the light' or 'good' so to say, shouldn't you avoid killing? Try to put your opponents through some trial or something? Especially when the ways, in which, The Dark Lord kept his followers in line, were well known. Everyone was aware of the threats and his usage of Imperius. Still, he had seen them shooting killing courses, not caring who was behind the mask of a Death Eater... Damn, he had seen those unwilling to fight been killed while forced on the battlefield. He had been aimed at himself, though he hadn't used Avada. Actually, he had done his best not to use any dark courses on the battlefield…. Not that he was ever going to admit that...

But then they had been just two sides of the war. In a war, you caused death or became dead. But now, thinking of Hermione Granger he knew: She must have thought they were the better side. Above the war, making charges to those who deserve it, killing the ones who deserve to be killed. She had had noble reasons to fight this war. And slowly, it seemed, she had come to a recognition that 'the side of the light' was barely a side of the good.

No matter who won, someone had to suffer. What fool of a witch she was, not being aware of that before? What black and white world she had been living in? Some fairy tale where the bad ones got what they asked for?

Suddenly he felt angry. He had lost all the best people he had known... Not that you could call them downright good, but anyway...

His mother had been killed in front of their eyes for her betrayal. His father had done nothing to stop them. Just watched as Draco had fought and yelled and finally been hit by Cruciatus so many times he could barely move for a week.

Then Pansy, who didn't want to fight, didn't want to go to the raids and refused to aim to kill. She had been hit with Avada by someone from The Order on her first raid...

After the women's deaths, his two best friends Blaise and Theo had disappeared during an attack. He had been left alone.

That was what the Orders and the Dark Lords actions had done to him... Taken everything.

The side of the light and dark, my ass.

It had been six months after the boy's disappearance when Granger had found him from the forest.

Granger had said that she had seen him that day. Like this wasn't humiliating enough. That made him even angrier: to know she knew he was weak.

But he had been so lonely and desperate and full of this war shit!

He had managed to keep it quiet for years before the Dark Lord had realized his weakness. And He had sent him to kill that family.

But Draco was not a killer. Even if he tried to turn his mind off and do it, he couldn't. All he could think of was that there were children.

He had been taught to hate every muggle and treat them as a lower breed. But even if they'd been animals, he couldn't kill a child. And by that, he had sentenced himself to die.

And now he was here. He was humiliated, couldn't move, locked inside an apartment of his school time nemesis, whom he had treated so badly, he still couldn't understand why she would just heal him and let him go.

No, that did not make sense. She had something else in mind and he would find out what that was.

But first, he was going to sleep.

.

.

.

"Malfoy! Wake up!"

She was shaking him. Annoying bitch!

"Wake up now!"

"Get of Granger!" He muttered

"No, Draco, you need to wake up! You're bleeding!"

Suddenly he could hear the panic in her voice, but still, he didn't feel like caring much.

"Stop fussing and let me sleep!"

It had been three days. And he was constantly tired. He woke up to eat and to go to the bathroom, but other than that he had been sleeping. He did not even know what Granger had been doing. But he really did not care as long as he could go back to sleep.

And now the fucking wench was shaking him again.

"Do not go back to sleep Malfoy! I need you conscious so I can figure out what is wrong with you!"

Giving in, he opened his eyes and BANG! The pain hit him like a bludger on full speed! His insides were on fire!

"Are you in pain?"

"Fuck!" Was all he could get out of his mouth.

The sheets around him were red, his blanket was red. There was blood everywhere. His blood! What the hell was happening?

"I came home and found you like this!" Her panicked voice said. "I don't know what's wrong!"

"I'm dying!" He chocked looking at his hand that was dripping blood.

"No! No, you are not! I forbid you! I will not let you die! I refuse to! I'll sort this out."

The next thing he noticed was her ripping his shirt open.

"Oh my god" She whispered.

"What!" He attempted to look but she blocked him.

"Nonono! You shouldn't look! I-I think some of your wounds have opened again!"

"But you said that you healed them!" His protest was weak, and his mind felt cloudy.

"I did!" she squeaked.

She waved her wand and muttered spells. He gritted and stared the ceiling.

After an amount of time, he was not sure how long, she stood and fetched him a glass of anti-pain potion.

"I managed to end the bleeding. But I think I need to find a stronger spell or the wounds will open up again."

He closed his eyes and let the potion kick in. He really didn't care as long as the pain would go away, and he could sleep again.

"Malfoy! Did you hear me? I think you should stay awake for a while and drink this potion too." Her tone was calmer but demanding. "You lost a lot of blood, this will restore it."

Unwillingly he opened his eyes and reached for the potion she gave him.

While he drank, she picked some books from the shelf and the floor.

The potion, once again, tasted hideous, like iron and rust. He made a face.

"I can't believe it." she huffed "You were nearly dead and still swallowing a potion that is saving you makes you gag."

He ignored her and closed his eyes again, "Now can I sleep?"

"Yes, I think you should. I'll try to find out what kind of curse that is on your chest."

.

.

.

He was drifting for days. Sometimes Granger was there muttering spells. Sometimes she was forcing food down his throat.

Other times it was Pansy standing next to his bed, talking softly, words he couldn't quite understand...

Some of his dreams were full of spells, flashing lights, dying and bleeding. Others showed him, people, he used to know, faces he recognized and couldn't put names on, and sometimes even his family and friends...

Blaise was laughing loudly on the backyard of the manor and the next moment he was hit by a green light.

He, Draco, was lying on the ground injured... His mother was singing a lullaby.

Granger stood on the rock above him, with blazing eyes screaming "I refuse you to die!"

He woke up with a jolt.

Granger was by him in seconds.

"Are you awake? Thank god! I wasn't sure if I got you to swallow enough of the potion."

She took her wand out and started checking him.

"I found out what made you bleed again. They've used a curse that renews itself without being cast again. I found a potion that slows the process down, so I have more time to find a counter curse. You've been out for days and I started to get worried your insides were bleeding without me noticing. How are you feeling?"

It was confusing really, to have her talk so much, all at once. How was he supposed to understand all that after just waking up?

"Like shit." He answered anyway, "But not like bleeding inside."

"No, examination spell didn't point any internal bleeding, so I think you're ok for now. I'll get you something to eat."

She got up and brought him soup.

After that their days seemed to settle in some kind of a pattern: She cast healing spells every morning and evening. He drifted in and out of sleep most of the day, not having much else to do. When she was home, she usually had her nose on one of her books.

Sometimes she added some spells to the originals she performed on him. Every time that happened she told him why she was doing it.

Almost every day she went somewhere and when she returned she rarely was in a good mood. He wanted to ask her where had she been, but he didn't know how to since they weren't exactly talking much.

Sometimes he thought of riling her up just to get something to do. But when he started to think of things to say, he suddenly realized he had no energy for that.

It took two weeks before he couldn't take it anymore.

"Granger is your plan to kill me in boredom?" He had used his voice so little it sounded weird even on his own ears.

She lifted her gaze from the book she had been reading by the table.

"Oh, by all means, Malfoy, there are books all around you, read them."

"I'm too weak to read." He said

"You have been walking to the loo for days now, I'm sure you can read a book."

He really hadn't paid attention, that he had been walking to the toilet and back to his couch. One morning he had just felt good enough and decided he could walk. It had taken a lot at first, but now it was just a routine he didn't think much of.

"It exhausts me to do that."

She rolled her eyes, "Fine, but you asked for this."

She turned one bookshelf around with a flick of her wand. On the other side was a black box.

"How is that going to entertain me?" He asked suspiciously.

She did something and suddenly there was a moving picture on the box.

"This is TV. It is a muggle device." She turned to look as if he'd have something to complain about that.

He remained silent.

"This," she handed him a black stick with buttons, "Is a remote. You can change channels with it."

He eyed her questioningly.

"It shows different programs in different channels."

He was still staring at her.

"Never mind. Just watch and see." She went back to her book.

"You expect me to find my entertainment in something muggle?"

She could not be serious.

"Well, you refused to read, so that is the only other option I can give you." She sounded almost bored.

No, she couldn't make him do muggle things, he'd rather be bored.

He decided to close his eyes. But when she left after an hour and left the TV on, he couldn't help but to peak. No one was here now so no one would know he was doing something muggle. No one could judge him.

It didn't take long to be hooked. He had to admit this was a good way of spending time. Muggle cooking was a lot like potion making so he could settle watching that.

When Granger came home and found him staring at the TV she seemed amused but didn't say a word. And maybe, just maybe he had to admit, there might be something good in muggle life.

.

.

.

Time passed. They weren't talking much. On daytime, he watched TV or tried to read some of her books.

On the nights he woke up to his nightmares and sometimes his own screams.

First Granger had come to check if he was ok, but after a few nights, she had stopped. He was thankful for that.

He really wished he had someone to talk to...

Certainly, he was not going to talk to Granger! That was just not an option... so the silence remained.

She was progressing with his wounds though. They did not open up again, but they hurt and made him weak. She had explained, that the potions he was drinking, were keeping them at bay, but she needed to find a stronger spell to remove the curse permanently. He wondered how long that was going to take.

After a month the walls were closing in. He felt claustrophobic and did not know how much longer he could take this before his sanity would be lost.

And then it all changed.

She came home from the order meeting around eleven. He was sitting lazily on the couch, watching some quite entertaining series about five muggles messing around New York. She muttered a quiet 'Hello' and he nodded in return, his eyes never leaving the screen.

A loud crash from the bathroom tore his attention from the show.

What on earth was she doing!?

After hesitating a moment, he got up and limped to the bathroom.

Whatever he had expected to see, was not this. Her flowery perfume bottle was in pieces on the floor. The clear liquid spilled all over and the smell was intoxicating. She sat on the floor, head on her hands and her shoulders shaking.

Shit.

For a moment he considered turning around and leaving her be.

"Come on Granger, no use crying after a spilled smell." He heard himself saying anyway

He expected her to tell him to piss off.

But of course, this time, she didn't. She lifted her wet eyes to him and sniffed.

On an impulse, he sat next to her. Not too close though, so she wouldn't get any wrong ideas of him trying to actually comfort her...

Right after sitting he felt like he was already making a huge mistake.

Should have gone back to the couch!

They sat there in silence. She was crying, and he tried not to feel like he shouldn't be here. But he was a little worried about her, and a little curious too... Was she crying because of what happened at the meeting? Was someone hurt? Or was it something about her personal life? Was she hurt? What would happen to him if she couldn't keep him here?

"This war. It's never going to end." She finally huffed silently

Huh? she was actually going to tell him something?

"Not on us winning anyway. The plans are barely ready when they put them in the action!"

And suddenly she was talking. She told that Longbottom had been badly injured in a mission, which was not properly planned. Weasley had rushed it and she had had no time to fill them in with all the details. Death Eaters had nearly gotten their raid group and besides Neville, a few others have had minor injuries. And she had gotten the blame. Especially Weasley had accused her of bad planning.

After ranting a while she suddenly snapped her mouth shut.

Just like that, she had told him exactly where she had gone all these days and what she was doing there.

"It wasn't your fault." He said after a while.

Very slowly she turned to look at him.

Shit, Draco shut up!

"You don't even know what it was!"

"I know enough if I know Weasley was leading! If the brightest witch of our age says the plan isn't ready, you should believe it's not ready!"

She was staring at him now with wide red eyes.

He felt awkward, so he got up.

"Come on, this room smells so strongly my eyes are watering!"

"Hey! It was my best perfume!" She protested but followed him to the living room.

"I feel like I need a drink after all this crying and opening up!" He muttered and walked straight to where she kept her wines.

"What are you doing? You can't take my wine!" She tried, but he was already pouring.

"So, now that we started talking." He went back to the sofa, sitting down. "Are you making all the plans for the order?"

He was honestly pretty curious.

"I shouldn't have told you that." She said quietly.

"Yeah, but you already kind of did. And who am I going to tell? It's not like you are letting me out of here anyway."

She was eying him suspiciously.

"Come on Granger. It seemed like you needed to talk a minute ago."

With a deep sigh, she sat down by the table and took a good swing of wine from her glass.

"Fine, it's not like you're going to be able to tell anyone."


	4. 4

_._

_._

_Give me back my innocence cos I wish to dream again_  
_Like I never outgrew my old playground_  
_Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown and the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings_  
_Give me those wings_

 _Let me fly once again_  
_Like I did way back when_  
_I would gamble and win_  
_To lift me high above the din_  
_Of the future we see_  
_Does it hold something for me_  
_I'm weightless again_  
_Just before the shadows..._

_~Poets Of The Fall, Given and Denied~_

 

Wine, what a glorious substance.

Finally, he had something interesting to do after so many weeks of boredom: Asking questions from Granger. Also, the wine made him feel relaxed and better than in weeks!

She was telling him about The Order and the other people she was working with when she was gone from the house.

During these five years of war, they had come to trust the planning partly on her hands. First, they had been so young, that the adults of The Order hadn't let them do much. Only Potter had had a permission to work with the adults.

She told him that they had hunted Horcruxes on their seventh year. He certainly remembered that. Who would forget the Dark Lord living in The Manor, His home? And her screams when Bellatrix tortured her? Of course, he would not let her know, he still remembered.

But it seemed their Horcrux hunt hadn't been enough to prove to give them permission to enter as full members of The Order straight away. She told that they had had minor tasks for years before Kingsley Shacklebolt had approved them. And that was when the cruel reality of Order's work had been revealed to her.

She had become the head of the planning of the raids about six months ago. She had been unwilling, but Potter and Weaslette had talked her to it. Now she was being pressured all the time.

With a little help of the wine, she told him, how they never let her plan anything properly. Especially Weasley wanted action. She was accused all the time of not being fast enough, proper enough, aware enough.

The Order had lost many members during these years. Speaking of them made her drown more wine and become a little teary.

"Potter is still alive?" He asked while she was swallowing tears.

"Yeah and determined to win. I think he is not completely sane anymore though. It is an obsession. He can't think of anything else. We can't put him on raids or minor battles anymore because we're not sure of his actions. It worries me he'll do something rash. Ginny says he talks a lot in his sleep too, always muttering about Voldemort."

"Why are you telling me this?" He interrupted.

Her gaze was a little hazy when she looked at him.

"You asked."

"But what if I run away and get all this information to Him?"

"Nothing he would not know already "

"But you've told about their weaknesses."

"It's not like I'll let you walk away freely with everything I told you anyway."

"What are you going to do?" He challenged.

"You'll see when the time comes." She stood up. "Don't underestimate me Malfoy. I have this all planned through."

He thought she would leave, but she just poured more wine and sat back down.

All planned… that reminded him, that he still didn't know her whole plan for keeping him here. That made him a little nervous.

"What about your healing practices?"

She had said something about those on his first night here...

"I help the healers when I have time. Trying to absorb as much information as I can."

"Should have known…" He muttered.

"I think it is your turn to tell me about your life before I found you from the forest."

"Nothing to tell…"

He certainly was not going to start opening his past years to Granger.

"What happened to your friends? To other Slytherins?"

He huffed.

"Are they alive?" She was pushing.

He didn't want to talk about them. He felt like, if he was going to tell Granger, it would all become too real.

"Do you think they worry about you? Wonder where you are, maybe?"

"I wouldn't know!" He suddenly burst out. "Your Order took them all away from me! Order and the Dark Lord together. How are my fellow Slytherins, you want to know? They're dead! Dead and gone. Pansy's dead, Greg is dead, Vince is dead, Theo's missing, Blaise's missing. Astoria's alive, but barely sane" It all came out and he couldn't stop it.

He felt like crying. But no, he was not going to cry in front of Granger. All this information was already too much. He'd rather die.

Damn wine, it made him so emotional! He was supposed to be unaffected, make her talk and just listen, not break down like this.

She was observing him now. He tried to look away.

"You got what you wanted?" He asked angrily.

"Don't be so hostile Draco. We've all lost loved ones. There's nothing wrong with being sad and angry."

The silence that fell upon them was heavy. He was staring at her and she was looking back questioningly.

Draco, she had said. Not Malfoy, and suddenly that made all the difference in the world. His name flowing from her lips, like they were… not friends, but not the enemies, they used to be, either.

"So what about Weasley?" He asked to break the silence.

"What about him?"

"Weren't you two supposed to be lovers or something? Why are you living here on your own, and not with your boy-toys at the headquarters?" Suddenly he remembered that he had wanted to ask this ever since he got here. Her living arrangement seemed even stranger now when she had revealed her friends were living together somewhere.

"Ron and I? No, it didn't work out."

"Didn't?"

"Oh, I don't know why I'm telling you this!" She cried out frustrated but went on anyway. Thank god for the wine, "I mean, I thought I liked him for a while."

"You thought?"

Confusing.

"Well yes, but it turned out that I thought wrong."

"Well, how surprising! Thinking of how intelligent he always was, and so on."

"Shut up! He's a good guy… or was back then at least. But he is impulsive, and controlling, and jealous. He didn't want me to participate in anything but cooking. I mean, of course, the model of a woman he had from home was…well motherly. But he wanted me to be Molly for him. And that is just not me! I mean, we're in a war and I was 19 years old! I couldn't even think of having children in this world. But he wanted that. He pressured me to it. He wanted to send me somewhere where I could be safe and have his children. He didn't want me to have any part in this war."

Her answer made him kind of uncomfortable. But it really sounded like Granger had picked friends who didn't know her at all. Even he could have said that Granger was no housewife.

"And then we started to go to more raids and battles. And I noticed there was something in him I didn't recognize…something dark." She stared ahead with unblinking eyes almost like talking to herself, "He aimed to kill. He cast the killing course like it was Stupefy, not caring who it was he was aiming. And he started to brag about his kills, counting them, like it made him some kind of a hero. He killed, and I saw he liked it. It made him feel the power. And this new version of him frightened me. That is not the Ron I knew."

When she looked at him, her eyes were wet.

"I could not live with what he had done…" She said quietly "…What he is still doing. I'm still not completely sure he understands I'm not going back to him. Sometimes he talks about our family… like it would still be our future."

She turned to look out of the window. Her eyes were filled with sorrow and longing.

"I don't live with them in the headquarters because they all frighten me. This war has changed everyone. We are not the same we were five years ago. I'm not sure who we are anymore. And it terrifies me to think of what we will be if we ever survive this war."

He had no words for her. He felt like falling. If this was what the war had done to The Golden Trio, what chance did the rest of the world have?

Damn wine, damn him, why did he have to start this conversation at all?

They were staring at each other now, silence hanging around them.

After what felt like ages, she laughed without humor.

"Look at us! Here we are, a mudblood, who is afraid of her friends, trying to save a Death Eater! How twisted is that!"

"Maybe war just changed our roles" He pointed quietly.

"So you are not a Death Eater and I'm no mudblood?" He could hear the alcohol in her voice now.

"No, you told me the day you brought me here. I'm a patient and I'm not allowed to call you mudblood."

At that, she smiled. And that smile (and maybe the wine too) made him think that he had never seen Hermione Granger, his former enemy, more beautiful.

No, bad Draco! Dangerous, very very dangerous thoughts!

 


	5. 5

_I'll seek you out_  
_Just to find myself_  
_And I'll worry 'bout consequences later_  
_I hear you out_  
_Till I hear myself_  
_Hear myself in you_

 _Never knew if we were really true_  
_Never thought I'd ever get to you_  
_Never thought I'd end up like this_

 _Never was I stronger than I'm now_  
_Never felt this much a fool somehow_  
_Never had much thought for myself_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Seek you out~_

 

A few days later he was observing her as she sat by the table her nose on some papers in front of her. It seemed that she had begun to trust him enough to bring her work home nowadays. Or maybe it had something to do with her arguments with Weasley. Maybe she was avoiding the headquarters…

He could tell she was having some troubles though. ¨

"Would you give it a break Granger! You're sighing so much I can barely hear the tv!"

She snapped her head up, "Oh please Malfoy, it really can't bother you so much!"

She was angry he could tell, but maybe it was not his fault this time.

"Pray tell me, Granger, what got you so frustrated?" He was picking the ice, he knew it.

"THIS MALFOY!" She was waving the papers, "I can't figure this out!"

He didn't dare to ask what was it she couldn't figure, but she went on: "I can't find any sense from the actions of your Death Eaters."

"Didn't know I was the commander nowadays…" He muttered

She rolled her eyes, "After every battle, we have a rescue crew to go look for our wounded and casualties. Usually, they operate after checking it is safe and there are no enemies nearby. But safety is never certain. It seems that sometimes the Death Eaters attack the rescue group, no matter how long they wait before going. Sometimes, on the other hand, we can operate in peace and no one attacks. I'm trying to find some logic or pattern, but I can't. The attacks seem entirely random!"

She tore her hair frustrated, "It cannot be random!"

Her desperation nearly amused him. Hermione Granger didn't know the answer to something…

But his amusement was short lived. Instead, there was this battle inside of him: The right thing to do? would it be to tell her what he knew? or to let her figure it out on her own? What if she didn't and she was in the next rescue group that got attacked? An image of her lying dead on the battlefield flashed his mind...

"It's called the After power."

He wasn't going to rot in here if she died.

She lifted her gaze to look at him

"Each safehouse has their own after power crew. Not the strongest Death Eaters, usually youngsters, old ones and those unable to fight in main battles. Their only job is to attack your rescuers."

"To get rid of our healers…" She muttered silently.

He nodded

"But they only work around their bases, so if there is no safehouse near, the after power does not attack."

She was looking at her papers again. He knew she had gotten it. He had not only let out their tactics but the locations of their safehouses too. What was he doing? Was he not planning on going back after he was healed?

Voice of his father was yelling inside of his brain "BLOOD TRAITOR".

But he still got up and went to her.

The papers she had on the table were maps. She had drawn red and green dots to mark the places they were or were not attacked.

"Do you know the locations?" She asked, not lifting her eyes.

"Only the manor." He pointed a spot on the map.

Slowly she looked at him, her expression hard to read.

"Draco…" Her voice was slow and questioning

"Don't ask me why am I doing this Granger! I have no answers for you! I'm certainly not picking a side, so don't make this some kind of a…I don't know…just don't!"

He marched back to the sofa and glued his eyes to the TV. End of conversation.

She didn't say anything for a while. Then she gathered her papers, "It's late, I'm going to bed."

He huffed without looking away from the screen.

Her steps left the room but stopped suddenly...

"Thank you, Draco." She said little louder than a whisper and closed her door.

.

.

.

That moment changed everything. She seemed to think they were acquaintances now.

Where there used to be silence between them, was now her light chatter. Usually, he just grunted in response, but it didn't seem to bother her much.

"Come on Draco!"

It was disturbing how easily she used his given name nowadays. To him, it felt like there was a whole different channel in his head that seemed to switch on when she said his name. Like he was forced to listen and answer…

"You watch the cooking shows every day! You might as well give it a try!" She was standing by the kitchen counter waving a cooking book in her hand.

"Malfoys don't make their own meals." He sat on the sofa, trying not to look at her.

She sighed loudly. "Well, I'm sure that only you being here is something Malfoys don't usually do. Give it a try! You might find yourself entertained. It's Neville's birthday tomorrow and I promised to make a cake. You could help!"

"Not my problem." He muttered

But after a while, he got up. "Fine. It's not like there's much else to do here."

And before he noticed they were baking.

He had been right: it was much like potions making. And they would have made a killer pair in potions. Her movement matched him like they had been practicing for years. The book was open between them and they followed the instructions in sync.

"I thought it would take you longer to get the hang of it." She was watching him stir the ingredients.

"I got an O from potions. How much harder could this be."

She shrugged.

"I like cooking."

He glanced her, but she seemed to be talking more to herself than to him.

"Takes your mind off things. Yeah, you said so."

She looked at him surprised.

"What?" He looked back.

She shook her head, "Nothing, I was just surprised you remembered."

"Didn't think I'd pay attention?"

Again, she shook her head curls bouncing, "No, I…Well yes."

He didn't say anything at that. It was not a surprise. Why would she assume he would listen, he never had before. But here, where she was his only company, he kind of had to pay attention to her... Like on her bouncing wild hair… And the way she bit her lip when she was thinking…the delicate movements of her wand when she cast a spell…how she got all excited of something and babbled about it endlessly… the look in her hazel eyes when she concentrated…and the subtle sway of her hips as she walked…

aaand he had done it again! Crossed the line! Thought of Granger as a woman, not as an insufferable know-it-all she was…Fuck this place messed his head… He let the scoop fall and turned to walk away.

"What now?" She looked at him biting her lip again.

'DON'T fucking do that!' He wanted to shout. 'STOP looking like that, before I can't stop myself anymore!'

"What is the matter? we had a perfectly good time a moment ago?" She pressed.

"NOTHING! I told you! Malfoys don't fucking cook!" He sat on the sofa willing to be left alone…He should be so lucky…

"I don't understand you Malfoy!" Her voice was louder

and it was back to Malfoy again… Good, he preferred that.

"What part don't you understand Granger?! The part where I don't do stupid muggle things!"

"NO! The part where you don't get over yourself! What are you so afraid to lose? Your reputation? It's only me here if you haven't noticed!" Her chest was heaving.

"Shut the fuck up about me Granger!"

"Or what!?" She was yelling back, standing beside the sink eyes blazing, "You're going to insult me? Spare me! I've heard your insults, old news!"

He bounced up and neared her again so that they were standing nose to nose. She was staring him with unblinking angry eyes.

"You have no idea what I can do! What I have done." His voice was a slow growl as he stared down at her.

"If you think you can scare me, you're wrong Malfoy." She answered with a tone, equal to his.

She was way to close for him to think clearly. The scent of her perfume, the same as in her bathroom, filled his head and clouded his thoughts.

"You think you're so high and mighty. Just when we start to get along perfectly well, you decide to throw this pureblood tantrum on me? It is just a bit of cooking! What's the difference in potions?" She seemed to calm down as her rant went on. Now she was reaching for his arm.

He jerked it away before she could touch him and turned away once more.

"I'm sick of this place and of you trying to brainwash me!"

"Well excuse me for trying to make your stay a bit more tolerable! You know, fine! Let's not talk! Let's not be civil to each other. Let's just go back into glaring and changing two words a day. I'm sorry your highness, I forgot who I was dealing with!"

With that, she stomped to her room and slammed the door shut.

He was sitting on the sofa fuming. How dare she!

Later in the evening, his anger had subdued, and he was glaring her closed door and the unfinished cake on the counter. Without thinking he got up, took the cookbook and began again.

In the morning she found a neatly decorated cake from the fridge. He pretended to be asleep.

 

 


	6. 6

_Fatal velocity,_   
_comes on with a rush,_   
_overpowering,_   
_gives the final push_

_What never moves, is never still,_   
_who has the final word_   
_It holds the world in a single pill,_   
_and all life rendered absurd_

_Kill sweet desire,_   
_faith may numb the trial,_   
_but can you run all your life_   
_Kill sweet desire,_   
_truth will make a liar,_   
_you can run but not hide_   
_So run for your life_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Desire~_

 

He tried… Really tried to resist it, but it was inevitable. Little by little they grew friendlier, more used to each other, more relaxed around the house. He was forced to get to know Hermione Granger.

Not that she was a boring person…even though he didn't like to admit, she was quite entertaining to have around. He was used to pureblood girls who were brought up to seal their emotions, to behave like a lady, to pretend... She wasn't like that. If she was angry or sad or happy she would show it. She would yell or cry or laugh uncontrollably. She would tell him flat out what she thought about most of the things. She could debate about almost any subject he came to think of. And what surprised him the most, was that she told when she didn't know something. She would frown and shake her head and the next moment she would be looking it up from her books. If she didn't find the answer, she usually went to the order and came back with a pile of new books on her hands.

"But Dobby wanted…"

"Father was horrible to Dobby! Why don't you ask elves who are well kept!"

Her favorite subject: The rights of magical creatures

"Well, they're brainwashed to.."

"Listen to the reason Granger! What about Kreacher?"

"Well…Harry gives him stuff…as payment…"

"Right, and you assume others don't, because?"

"Dobby…"

"Granger! I understand your point in cases like Dobby, but I think forcing money down their throat would be over the top"

She glared him. And then broke to a brilliant smile, "Well that was a first."

He looked at her questioningly.

"You say you understand my point!" She was still grinning like a maniac. "No one ever said they understand my point when it comes to elves."

"Well, I just…" He was feeling a bit embarrassed now…should have just disagreed…

.

.

.

"You did what?"

They were sitting on the floor with old Hogwarts textbooks around them.

"Brew Polyjuce in Myrtle's bathroom." She sounded amused.

"And turned yourself into a cat?"

"Half cat actually…"

He was howling with laughter.

"Wait! Who were you supposed to turn into?"

She snapped her mouth shut. He lifted an eyebrow.

"We were investigating the Heir of Slytherin," She finally said.

He stared at her now.

"I was supposed to be Millicent Bulstrode…"

"And Potter and Weasley?" Suddenly he had a bad feeling about this story.

She didn't look at him.

"Grabbe and Goyle…" She breathed out.

He remembered it now, Grabbe and Goyle acting all weird for a moment, not remembering it an hour later.

"You thought I was the heir?"

"Well can you blame us? You were marching around the school as you owned it."

'You'll be next mudbloods' He had yelled…Of course, they would suspect him. At that time, he even wanted them to. Now, it made him a little embarrassed though. Even worse was that he remembered what he had talked to Grabbe and Goyle the night they acted weird. He looked at her, wondering if the boys had told her that.

"Did they tell you what I said?" The question was out before he could stop himself.

"I had a bit on my mind that night…" she laughed a little, "you weren't the heir?"

Relief was a short-lived sensation.

"What was it then?" Of course, she would ask...

He shook his head.

Silence fell upon them.

He was not going to tell her…that he had told them he hoped for her to be the next victim…

.

.

.

"No! I'm not sending them to a certain trap!" She snapped.

"I'm not telling you to send them there unprepared! But look at it Granger and tell me that is not the best way to proceed!" He was waving his hand above the map on the table.

Somewhere in between weeks and months, he had been living here, she had started to ask him to help with her planning. Usually, it was just some light advice he gave, but now it seemed he had fallen in too deep face first.

"Listen, Granger! Safe doesn't win the battles!"

"Why, thank you for the great advice Mr. commander. Was it this wisdom that won you so much glory?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

That stung but he ignored her. "Tell me it's not the best option!"

She kept her mouth a straight line and didn't answer.

"You asked for my help Granger! Here it is!"

"I didn't ask you to tell me to send my friends to danger!" She growled.

"This is war! They are in danger every single day! Love makes you weaker! It blurs the rationality!" He spat out.

"No, it…."

"Don't dare say it makes you strong! Look at you! Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me the order is not losing?"

She began to cry. Angry tears rolling down her cheeks. Suddenly he wanted to take back everything he had said. But he was still angry, so he just watched her turn, stomp away and disappear through the floo.

Great! Just great! They had been getting along quite nicely over the last few weeks. Sure, they still sparred and debated but it was not hostile anymore. Now it seemed he had fucked up their truce just like that.

Hours ticked, he had fallen asleep and was roughly woken by the roar of the floo.

"NO! I'm not having this conversation with you anymore! I'm going home!" She was yelling across her shoulder before she stepped out.

He stood up and their eyes met.

"Draco, I'm…" But she didn't get to finish the sentence because the floo went on again.

He found himself staring at very worn looking Ron Weasley.

"Hermione I…"

But Ron had spotted him. And thank god, he was as healed as he was because he had about two seconds to take cover behind the couch before a spell hit the spot he had been standing.

"What the fuck!" Weasley roared and another hex hit the sofa.

"Ron, RON! Stop! Calm down! I can explain." She was yelling too.

There was no other attack, so he peeked up, she had cast a protective charm between him and the raving lunatic ginger.

"There is a death eater in your house Hermione! What is there to explain!?"

Weasley was still pointing a wand towards him.

"Ron put your wand down!" She tried but nothing happened. "He's not going to hurt anyone!"

The freckleface looked at her. "Are you under some spell Hermione? What has he done to you?" And to him again, "What have you done you son of a bitch? I'm going to kill you!"

"He hasn't done anything!" She spat, and her wand was now pointed at her friend, "He's hurt! I'm helping him…"

"Why? He is a motherfucking Death Eater!"

"NO! He is not!" Her voice was fierce and her eyes full of determination.

He didn't even see Weasley anymore, he was staring at her, mesmerized.

"What the hell Hermione!? Are you fucking him or what?" Weasley was now looking at her like she'd lost her mind, "This is insane! I'm going to tell the others!"

He flooed away.

"RON! NO! RON WAIT!" And so, she was gone too.

Fuckshitfuck, the secret was out, they were going to get him! He felt slightly panicked, looking for a place to hide. Damn her too small apartment. He rushed to her room and threw the door shut behind him. Maybe he should hide in her closet? But he decided not to, instead, he leaned against the door and listened to the sounds on the living room.

After what felt like hours he heard the floo. And soon after her small voice, "Draco?"

She was standing in the middle of the room looking sad. Maybe she had come to tell him he was going to be captured now and thrown to their dungeons.

He neared her.

"Is this it?"

She looked him in the eyes. Her beautiful (wait, what!?) serious eyes meeting him.

"I took care of it." She then said and rounded him starting to walk towards her own room.

"What did you do?"

She stopped and turned. Hugging her arms around herself. "I oblivated him...The part that he got here. Then I argued with him for a while about the original subject. He'll never know he was here…"

An unfamiliar feeling rose to his chest...maybe it was gratitude...she turned to leave again.

"Hermione!" He called after her, "Thank you."

She looked at him and smiled slightly.

It was an impulse… Before he knew his body collided hers and he was pushing her against the wall.

His lips were on hers.

His hands in her hair.

Her hands grabbing his collar

Him trailing kisses down her neck

Her whispering his name like a prayer

His heart thundering against his ribs

Her hands tugging his shirt off

Him pushing the bedroom door open

Her dragging him through the room

Her name leaving his lips

His hands on her

Her mirroring his movement

the bed

the sheets

the skin…on skin

bodies entwined

and their synchronized breathing

from the absolute low to absolute high.

In his arms, she fitted perfectly

and in hers, he felt not so lost.

This…this was bad…

.

.

.

He woke up in her bed…alone…

Shitshit! She was definitely going to throw him out now.

He groaned.

Stupid, idiot, Draco! You get comfortable around a girl and the next thing that comes to your mind is to get to bed with her! What is wrong with you!? Get a grip! Well, a little too late for that now… although he had gotten a pretty good grip on Granger….NO! Shut the fuck up dirty thoughts…

He forced himself to get the hell out of her room!

To his surprise she was standing in the kitchen, her back to him…He had assumed she'd be gone by now. Over analyzing things…

"Granger I…" He felt like he had to explain himself, but she turned and cut him off.

"Don't! We don't have to talk about it!"

huh? he lifted his eyebrows.

"I think we shouldn't…" She shrugged slightly, "Let's just pretend that we were nothing but two people who desperately needed…a fuck…Because thinking about anything else..."

Like who he was? like who she was? like what they had been for each other? Like which side they were fighting for? Like how they clicked together? He could think a bunch of things to analyze. She went on:

"…Makes this all just too complicated. And I think I can't take any more complicated!"

He stared at her… right…who was this woman and what had she done to Hermione "overanalyzing everything" Granger.

He was so baffled he could do nothing but nod.

"Good! Then it's settled. Would you like some coffee?" She turned back to the stove.

 


	7. 7

_In the light of recent findings,  
there's no greater taint than grace_  
_But to relinquish all our bindings,_  
always finds us out of place

 _If I rested here a while more,  
would you hold me to your heart_  
_If I knew what it was meant for,_  
will I know to play my part

_~Poets Of The Fall, Diamonds for tears~_

 

It, kind of, didn't change anything…they went on pretending like it never happened.

She was still looking for a counter-curse and he was still drinking potions.

She was still planning and most of the days he helped her. But the heat from their conversations had died down. Like they were both tiptoeing around, not wanting to push any emotions out of each other.

It irritated and bothered him immensely. It was like living with a ghost of her day after day. He had to admit that it was the fire in her that made her so fascinating. This collected version was just too boring.

And she must have felt the same way about him…

Then one night he was woken up by her screaming. A pure scream of horror echoing from her room.

He bolted up and, without thinking much of it, rushed to her bedroom.

"What's wrong?"

She was sitting on her bed. Hair sticking everywhere. Her face white, eyes wide and wet.

"It was just a dream." He tried to calm her down from the doorway where he was standing.

She looked at him, still looking like she was captured in her nightmare. He took two steps into her room.

She blinked once, twice and started to hyperventilate.

"Granger…Hermione…" He was next to her now, sitting on her bed, not really knowing what to do.

The next thing he knew was her arms around his middle, and her burying her face to his chest, sobbing hysterically.

He had really no choice (or at least that he tried to tell himself….) But to put his arms around her and hug her close.

"They were all dead…all of them…" She muttered in between her sobs.

"It was a dream."

She snapped her head up and her hand to his cheek, like testing if he was real.

"You were dead…" Her eyes were staring right at him, tears still rolling.

He was at loss of words...Her nightmares were of him dying...?

Her hand was still on his cheek…he didn't know what to do.

Honestly… he wanted to kiss her... to tell her it would be ok, that no one was going to be killed, that he was here, and he was not going anywhere…but of course, he wouldn't…

She blinked once and let her hand fall to her lap.

"I feel so lost…" She said quietly.

Was he supposed to say something? How could he comfort her when lost was mostly what he, too, was feeling…

"Draco…can you just…" She wasn't looking at him, "Would you stay? just to sleep?"

He didn't remember agreeing, but she lay down and pulled him with her, snuggled against his chest and hugged her arms around him. And he really wanted to run and hide, but instead, he pulled her close, rested his head to her pillow, closed his eyes and fell asleep listening to her breathing.

.

.

.

That's how he stopped to sleep on the sofa and began to sleep in her bed.

Fall asleep his hands around her waist and wake up with her mane of a hair in his mouth.

Just to sleep…nothing more. They hadn't kissed, or done anything else for that matter, after that one fateful night... And besides the sleeping, everything was like it used to be between them…and it wasn't.

You just can't sleep in the same bed with someone, to soothe them after a nightmare, to hold them close so that you…or she…would feel safer, and not develop some emotional bond to them. No matter how he wanted to deny it.

He had tried to stay out of it, to sleep on the sofa again, but she had stood in her doorway looking questioning and he just was not man enough to tell her no… That he really couldn't…because she was the closest he had felt to anyone for a really long time… And to be honest (which he didn't want to be!) in her bed, wrapped in her warmth, he slept better than in ages.

The reality of his situation was thrown against his face about a month after they had started the weird habit of spending their nights in the same bed.

She came through the floo with a victorious face.

"I found it!"

"Huh?"

She shook a book in her hand, "A cure for your curse! Of course!"

It should have been great news…but he felt oddly cold…

"Can you perform it?" He asked trying not to let the emotion show from his voice.

"I think so, yes" She sat on the sofa next to him.

"It's just a spell, doesn't seem too hard."

"So, let's give it a go then, shall we?"

As she waved her wand he could actually feel it. It was like something was being torn out of his skin, but it didn't hurt. He felt like being separated from something and just like that, some of the darkness he was baring in his soul, had been lifted.

She stopped and eyed him.

"Did it work?" He asked impatiently

She shrugged, "Did you feel it?"

"I think so, yes…"

"I guess we just have to wait a few days to see."

He nodded.

"But remember to tell me if you feel like something's different, even if it is just a hint. Ok?"

He nodded again thinking about what he had felt when she performed the spell. But didn't say anything…not even sure why…

Four days went by, he didn't drink potions, and nothing happened.

"I think it's safe to say it worked?" She sat beside him on the sofa once again.

He didn't answer, so she continued: "Weird, how simple the answer was, yet so hard to find."

"I think that was the point."

"So, this is it then?" She got up.

What was what? He didn't know what she was talking about. Not before she left the room and came back holding his wand! He jumped up too.

"Here." She handed it to him.

The same moment the wand hit his fingertips he felt the sore of magic run through his veins. And boy, did it feel euphoric. Like your arm had been detached and now it was put back again. He took his time to relish the feeling. When he turned back to look at her she looked oddly sad, her eyes glistering like tears were in danger of pouring over any moment.

"What's the matter?" He asked frowning at her expression.

"You're not my patient anymore. You're healed. We had a deal…" She took a shaking breath, "You're free to go."

He froze. Free to go? As in, leave? Not to be forced to stay inside these walls anymore? But… somehow, it felt wrong.

"I can leave?"

She nodded sadly, "You can go, walk out of the front door if you like. There's just one thing you should know…"

His heart was acting on its own, speeding up. One thing?

"I told you I can't let you leave with everything you know." Her eyes were serious, "When you walk out, you'll forget everything that happened here."

He was just gaping at her, mixed feelings rolling in his head.

"You can do whatever you want then Draco!" She continued, "You will remember they attacked you, so you're not safe with them and that you were healed…"

"But nothing of this place?" He asked quietly, "Not of you?"

She shook her head, "I promised I won't feed you propaganda…that I will not affect your choice. You will be free Draco!"

"And alone…"

"Well maybe, but free! And you'll find your way. I'm sure of it!"

"No." He blurted, and she stopped, new argument dying before it left her lips.

"What?" Her voice was full of disbelief.

He took a deep breath… what if she wanted him gone?

"I won't do that! I won't just walk out and forget everything!"

"That's the only choice!" Her protest was weak.

He thought of living somewhere without this. Without her…. Being alone every day. No one to argue with… sleeping in a bed alone and waking up from nightmares with no one there…No heated conversations…no cooking together… her comments...her delicate arms around him… her blazing eyes when she spoke passionately about things close to her heart… no memories of her…

He shook his head, "I'm in too deep. I want this fucking war to end too, you know? I will never be free if He's still alive…"

She was looking at him with a look on her face he didn't recognize.

"This! you! Are the only thing keeping me sane these days and I think I'm the same for you!" Bold, but what more did he have to lose? "I've lost everything! I can't lose this too!"

She jumped him.

Her lips crashing his and her arms flung around his neck.

Relief washed over him as he responded to her. She didn't want him to go either…

Now given the chance, he was holding on to her as if his life depended on it, drowning himself to their kiss.

It was the way their lips danced together, the way his hands fit perfectly to her curves, the way she pulled him closer like she'd never let go, that made him think briefly: why hand they found each other only now in the middle of this war...

This was different than the last time…He was pretty sure this couldn't be just two people in desperate need to fuck.

This was him

and this was her

The way their fingers linked around each other, the depth of their kisses, the slow pace of their bodies, the way she wrapped her legs around him and held onto him….

this was more than just a fuck…this was more than just raw need…

 


	8. 8

_Do you breathe the name of your savior  
in your hour of need,_  
_And taste the blame  
if the flavor should remind you of greed?_  
_Of implication, insinuation and ill will, '  
til you cannot lie still,_  
_In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil_  
come closing in for a kill

 _Come feed the rain_  
_'cause I'm thirsty for your love  
dancing underneath the skies of lust_  
_Yeah, feed the rain_  
_'cause without your love my life_  
ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

_~Poets Of The Fall, Carnival Of Rust~_

 

"Listen Draco! Even though we have this…thing going on, doesn't mean you get to say what I can or cannot do!"

This thing… This thing going on…A thing, that had been going on since he refused to leave and forget everything… this thing, that meant living together, planning together, cooking together, reading books and watching tv together, sleeping together... thing, that someone would have called a serious relationship…but not them…they called it 'this thing going on'…and who was he to complain… 'thing' suited him just fine…but today, she seemed to think that he had crossed some line…

She was furious. And so was he…

"It's a suicide mission!"

The war had come to a point where the Order finally had the upper hand! She had told him they were close to finding a way to finally end it, to get to Voldemort… Just a few more missions, she'd said.

Today she was going with them and he was not going to let that happen!

"It's not! you know it! You helped me to plan it!" Her cheeks were red, and she waved her hands frustrated.

"What if we missed something?! What if they're waiting for you?!"

"They're not! Every plan we've made so far has worked out just fine! Why would this be different?"

He really wanted to grab and shake her, "As you said, the Order is closing in, they will be more cautious!"

"But may I remind you, it was you, who stated it will be the Manor they'll expect us to attack next."

"I can't be sure!"

"WHY, Draco? You were so sure before, what changed?"

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING! He wanted to shout from the top of his lungs! Because their planning was going to put her in danger! Because she was going to be on the battlefield! He could make plans for the rest of the order and be ready to take the risk…but when it came to her…there was no way he was letting her go and fight.

"We need to do this! and they need me there!" She tried with a softer voice.

"No! They don't! They need you to plan the final attack!"

"Which we can't go through if this doesn't work out!" She stomped her foot, "Listen! You're not ordering me around! If your plan's not good enough, you should have thought that before you told me it's a great plan and it will definitely work! Besides, I don't have time for this now! I'm already late."

"Granger don't you dare…NO!"

But she had gone…the fireplace was already empty. Fuck!

He was tearing his hair! She was gone, and he could do nothing! He wanted to plead her to come back, to wish her good luck, to kiss her just one more time…But no… it was too late now…Stupid fucking idiot Draco!

.

.

.

He was pacing around the living room for like the hundredth time.

It had been hours…He didn't even know how many…she was still gone, and he had no idea what was happening.

He wanted to break something! To destroy things! To quit feeling this overpowering dread.

What if she was already dead? Picture of her lying on the battlefield, her brown eyes staring to nothingness, invaded his mind.

He wanted to scream.

Would someone come to her flat then? Would he feel her wards go down?

What if she was injured and no one knew she needed help? What if she had been hit with the same renewing curse he had? Would anyone know how to cure it? Or what if she had been taken as a prisoner? Thrown to dead eater dungeons? Those bastards doing unspeakable things to her? Abusing her beautiful body?

He took books from the shelf and threw them to the floor. Next book he caught, he smashed against the wall. But it did not satisfy his need to break something.

He smashed his hand against the wall. Pain exploded through him…Shit!

He went to the bedroom throwing himself on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

He closed his eyes and let her scent surround him. For a moment there, he could imagine she was with him lying next to him.

Like last Saturday night…

"Do you think life will treat us better if we survive this war?" She had asked, turning to look at him, "If you could go anywhere then, where would it be?"

He had shrugged, "Anywhere but here."

"I think I'd like to go to Italy…Tuscan countryside always fascinated me." She sighed dreamily.

"Sounds like something you would do..."

Her eyes had been serious as she looked at him.

After a long time, she said: "Do you think we could go together?"

He hadn't answered anything, baffled by her sudden forwardness, he just shrugged and stared ahead like not hearing her.

Now, He would give anything to get to tell her: YES, they should definitely go together!

He'd go to the ends of the earth with her if they'd just survive this war! If she'd just return unharmed!

.

.

.

The light of dawn woke him up…still fully dressed…alone.

He tried to watch the tv…to make something to eat…to do anything to take his mind from how long she had been gone.

And another day went by.

He was going to lose his mind! Briefly, he even considered walking out the door. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to forget this place…to forget her. Forgetting would mean he wouldn't have to put up with these fucking feelings anymore!

Oh, the absolution of not worrying about her, not feeling like his heart was going to burst through his chest every second she was gone…

But then he pictured her coming home with him gone… her returning to Weasley… her going to Tuscany with someone else… NO! He was not going to let that happen!

"Please" He whispered as if someone would hear him, "Please, bring her back to me!"

.

.

.

The fourth night of her gone, he jolted awake in her bed. Was there someone in the living room?

He rushed to see. But the house was quiet and empty. Just as he was ready to return to bed, he heard the floo. He flipped around… But as he saw her, instead of relief, pure horror filled him.

Her face was full of scratches and her clothes were torn and dirty. There was blood, on her face, dripping from her hands, even her hair was so thick with it, it seemed she had colored it reddish.

"Gods Granger, what happened?" He started, but she just stepped out of the fireplace and collapsed.

Lucky, he had already been moving towards her. He caught her limp body just before it hit the ground.

"Shit." He put her down on the sofa, trying to locate where she was injured worst.

"Granger! What happened to you!"

But her eyes were closed, lips white and her breathing shallow.

Panic floated on the edges of his mind… He needed her healing skills now!

"What should I do Hermione?! Tell me how I can help you?!"

But of course, she was in no state to answer.

She was going to die here! In his hands, and he was unable to do anything.

Draco, think! What do you know of injuries? A few healing spells… but there were so many wounds. Hastily he grabbed one of his shirts, the closest he got his hands on, and tore it to shreds. Maybe he could slow the bleeding….

Arteries…yes…they had something to do with this…THINK!

But his thoughts were just bouncing in his head like wild rabbits…

"Hermione! Is there some way to get help?" But it was no use…she didn't even flinch no matter how hard he was yelling.

He got up and went to the fireplace, "HEY! ANYONE! Granger is hurt! She's dying! She needs your help! PLEASE!" He screamed on top of his lungs…

"Draco…"

Her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard her loud and clear., rushed back to her and fell to his knees next to the sofa.

"I'm here. You're safe. You're hurt, don't move." Soothing words sounded weird coming out of his mouth…

Her eyes were just barely open, but looking at his, "I'm sorry Draco…."

"Shh, don't mention it. We just need to get you fixed…" He realized his voice was trembling, "You'll be fine, just tell me what to do."

"There's a coin…"

"Right, coin, what coin?"

She had closed her eyes again...

He tried to take a deep breath and think…A coin…Where would she keep a coin? an important coin?

"in my pocket…" She breathed out.

Right, he searched her jacket pockets and found a small weird looking coin.

"Is it this one?"

"Portkey…" Her face crumbled like she was in awful pain.

Okay, so the coin was a portkey. But if he left, his memories would be gone… Maybe he should just send her? But would there be someone on the other end, who'd know how to help her?

"Granger, the wards…I can't take you without losing my memories."

She didn't open her eyes, and her lips moved only slightly "I lifted the wards…" she took a deep breath, "…the day you said you'd stay."

He had no time to process the information further. The only thing that mattered was that she would get help. He didn't have time to worry where they would be taken and who would be there. He just lifted her from the sofa into his arms and pointed his wand at the coin… "Portus."

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

_I could pray and trick with a double tongue,  
but the only fool here's me_  
_I choose the way to go,  
but the road won't set me free_  
_Cos I wish you'd see me, baby,  
save me, I'm going crazy_  
_Tryin' to keep us real,_  
_keep us alive_

 _This day will die tonight and there ain't no exception_  
_We shouldn't wait for nothing to wait for_  
_Love me in this fable, babe, my heart is in your hand_  
_Our time is waiting right outside your door_  
_And maybe tomorrow is a better day_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Maybe tomorrow is a better day~_

 

 

They landed on a yard of an old country house. Without thinking further or looking around, he rushed to the porch.

"HELLO! Can someone help, please!? This is about Granger! She needs help!" He banged the door.

The next thing he knew was him standing face to face with his old Professor.

Minerva McGonagall looked like a hundred years older than the last time he'd seen her. Despite that, she still wore the same stern look, as back in their schooldays.

"Mr. Malfoy?" She seemed more than a bit confused over the situation unfolding ahead of her. But she must have seen the state the girl in his arms was because she let them in.

"What happened to her?"

"She was in a fight! I don't know! I…she came home like this!"

"I'll take her. You wait here! And don't even dream of running. The wards got up as soon as you arrived. They will kill you if you try something." She flicked her wand and started to levitate Granger's body away.

As much as he disliked the idea of letting go of her, he did nothing but nod. At least she was now getting some help.

Only now he began to realize, what he had risked in order to bring Granger here. He was definitely going to be thrown to Orders dungeons now…

What about her? If she survived, would she be in trouble too? Would they trust her anymore, after keeping him from them for so many months? Maybe he should just say he'd broken into her house while she was gone? That they had no connection what-so-ever?

Jeez, how soft had he gone? Like there was no fight left in his body anymore? It seemed like all his life had been about him, keeping himself alive, and now suddenly it had turned to be all about her…

The professor returned.

"This way Mr. Malfoy."

He was led to a small kitchen and maneuvered to sit next to the table.

"Mr. Malfoy. This is going to be interrogation and I'm afraid you can't decline."

She put a small vial in front of him. He eyed it suspiciously…This was not going to be just him telling freely what had happened. He had a feeling, he would have no control over this situation at all.

"Drink it," McGonagall said strictly.

What choice did he have? So, he gulped the liquid down.

The effect was instant. All the worry about what he was going to say, left his body. All the plans of how to make her understand, and protect Granger the same time were gone…

Veritaserum…

"What is your name?" Professor asked.

What a stupid question...

"Draco Lucius Malfoy." It was like words just flew out without him exactly thinking. This was going to be a humiliation.

"Why are you here?"

Easy...

"I brought Hermione Granger."

"Where did you find her?"

Where? she came home...

"Her house."

"Why were you there?"

he paused…

"I've been living there."

Odd expression passed McGonagall's face.

"for how long?"

Dunno, even the serum couldn't help.

"Months, maybe seven or eight..."

"Did she bring you there?"

NO!

"Yes"

"Why?"

Because she is too good for her own good and stubborn as hell...

"I was badly injured... she wanted to…practice healing spells."

"Are you still hurt?"

He shook his head

"She figured out the spell to heal me."

"How long ago"

Not sure, but counting the nights in her bed was easy...too easy.

"a month… maybe a little more.

"And you're still staying?"

He nodded.

"What side are you on?"

Her eyes were piercing, staring at him like not wanting to miss any expression he might make.

"I don't know…" this answer surprised even himself, but words kept coming out, "What used to be my side nearly killed me and I think the dark lord is a psychotic madman. But… I can't say I'm on the Orders side either… I just want this war to end. That's why I've helped Granger plan the missions…"

She didn't ask that, shut up!

"You've helped her? How?"

It's nothing...just some hints...she figured it all out by herself!

"I told her everything I know…the afterpower…all the strategies I knew of…"

The look on the old professor's face was unreadable…

"Mr. Malfoy, what is miss Granger to you?"

This was the question he had been fearing…what was his relationship to Granger? How could he speak the truth when he had no idea himself?

"I…" He started silently but what he intended to say wouldn't come out, instead, the potion just poured words out of his mouth, "A savior…a friend…a partner…a lover…" He breathed the last word out, barely audible.

A lover…

McGonagall stared at him.

"Go ahead, arrest me! But don't punish her! She's done nothing to make her loyalty questionable."

Too much Draco! But all the old witch did, was to give him another vial…the antidote.

"She is upstairs, second door on the right."

He didn't have to be told twice. That instant he stood and sprinted up the stairs. Eager to see that she was still alive.

As he barged through the door he was nearly knocked down by someone.

Someone looking very familiar... He stared at the older woman in front of him with disbelief.

"Hello, Draco."

Her voice sounded so familiar it nearly brought him to tears. What on earth had gotten into him! But it was like his mother echoing from the grave…The face was more like Bellatrix, but the soft expression on it was so much like Narcissa...

This was the only living Black sister…his aunt he had never met…Andromeda Tonks.

"I healed her injuries, they looked more serious than they actually were. She will be ok, but she is sleeping now."

He saw her on the far end of the room, lying motionless on the white bed. There would be another time for this family reunion, he decided and rushed to her.

She lay on white sheets, her hair a halo around her head. Her wounds were cleaned and had started to heal, and her lips had begun to gain color gain. She didn't look so dead anymore and he sighed in relief. She would get through this.

"Here is a chair for you." Andromeda had come back.

He nodded.

The woman put the chair down but didn't turn to leave.

"Draco…how is my sister?" She asked, her voice sad like she already knew his answer.

"My mother…" He looked down and gulped, "Narcissa…she is dead."

Andromeda closed her eyes briefly, then she suddenly walked to him and closed him into a soft embrace.

"I'm sorry Draco."

"Yeah, me too…" He hugged her back awkwardly...

She sniffed, let him go and walked out without saying another word.

He sat down by Granger's bed and suddenly exhaustion washed over him…how long was it since he last slept?

But not yet…he would wait for her to wake up first

But it took hours…he dosed off and was woken up by her hand caressing his hair… he had fallen asleep head resting on her bed, but now finally she was awake.

"Hi…" She smiled almost shyly as he looked at her…

She was awake! She was alive! She was going to be fine! He couldn't even define everything he was feeling at the moment. All he could do was to reach for her and kiss her.

It was the first kiss they shared, that was just a kiss… with no intention going further… they had kissed tens of times, yes...but it always led to sex.

This was a kiss filled with desperation and relief. A kiss that wanted to tell her how much he had missed her, how scared he had been for her, how glad he was that she was alive and here with him now. It was hard and consuming kiss that screamed "I need you!" and she kissed him back with similar intensity.

When it ended she didn't pull away but pressed her forehead to his, leaving just inches between their faces.

"Draco…"

"If you're going to say you're sorry, save it." He breathed out.

She giggled a little and lifted her hand to caress his cheek. He pulled her to his arms and hugged her close.

"Our plan…it worked perfectly." She whispered.

"it didn't…" He tried to squeeze her even harder, "You nearly died."

She pulled back and looked him seriously, "I should have gone to the headquarters, to see a healer…but I had already been gone for so long... I had to come to you…"

"Next time, Granger, I prefer you to save yourself first!" He huffed.

"Guess I wasn't thinking exactly straight…" She muttered.

But he felt elated, even though he shouldn't have… He had been the first thing on her mind.

"McGonagall's here, she questioned me…"

"and?" She looked worried.

"I guess I'm clear…or at least she let me here…she used veritaserum."

She just nodded and looked around.

"This is one of the best-protected safehouses, I think no one, but those who live here know about this. At least I don't know anything, but that this is your aunt's house and McGonagall is the leader…they've always been very secretive about this place. The coin that brought us here is only for emergencies. They're very strict who they let in…"

"You've never been here before?"

She shook her head.

He nodded, trying to fight the overwhelming yearn to be closer to her, now that he had gotten her back.

She seemed to notice his distress and moved slightly taking his hand.

"Come here, you look like you could use some rest."

He climbed to bed with her, lie down and pulled her close. She leaned against him and gave a sigh.

"I'm glad you're ok…" He whispered so silently he wasn't sure if she'd hear him.

She didn't answer, but when he glanced at her, he caught a smile passing her lips.

.

.

.

"Draco"

She was shaking him tenderly. "I think it's time to wake up."

He groaned tightening his grip on her hips. "few more minutes."

"You said the same thing an hour ago!" He could hear the smile in her voice and opened his eyes to look at her.

Her honey eyes were looking at him amused.

"I haven't slept in four days!" He complained smirking to her.

"You'll have time to sleep later. I think they want to see us downstairs."

"What are you? A mind reader? How can you know such things?"

She shrugged, "Maybe because Andromeda was behind the door just minutes ago."

"I didn't hear anything."

She smacked his arm, "Of course not, you sleep like a log!"

"I don't! Malfoys sleep graciously like a…"

She huffed and smiled widely, "Hippogriff…?"

"What? No! Come on, I was going to say…"

But she silenced with a kiss and he completely forgot what he was about to say.

She pulled back, "I'm glad I didn't die."

Then she got up, "Come on."

And downstairs they went. Her leading him by the hand.

The small kitchen, he had been sitting yesterday, was now fully occupied. He stopped on his tracks, her hand falling from his.

Was he dreaming? Or were they ghosts? Because there was no way this was real…

She had frozen to her spot beside him too, it seemed. No one said a word…

"Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, welcome to our safe house." Andromeda smiled like not noticing something was wrong.

"You…how?" Granger had gotten her voice back before him.

How…He wanted to know very much…

Because there, beside the small kitchen table, were sitting two people he had thought he'd lost forever.

Blaise Zabini and Theo Nott… Hi best friends, unharmed.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, let me present to you: Theo, Blaise and Teddy!
> 
> Disclaimer: If it sounds familiar, it's not mine! I'm just playing with them.

_A dream's a deed unsigned_  
_A nameless ghost of yesterday defied_  
_So the answers aren't streamlined_  
_To open up before you pay to try_  
_And it's all seen through your lenses_  
_Coloring_  
_The images you call_  
_To give you wings_

 _So weave the world a play_  
_Such turns of fate_  
_To let you have your way_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Center Stage~_

Oh, the things you learn when you sit down and listen:

That your friends decided long before you, that they didn't want to support the dark lord's cause anymore…

That they never told you because they never believed you had it in you to defect…

That your aunt, who you thought, your whole life, was a coward and not worthy the family name, was so much like her sister, Narcissa. As just, as courageous, as proud and every bit as Black…

That she held a safehouse that didn't answer to the Order….

That the order didn't know who she kept here safe and that your old Transfiguration professor actually would support something so outrageous…

You think you know people…know what to expect of them… He glanced sideways to Granger, sitting next to him holding her hand lightly on his thigh under the table…Then they do something completely out of character, and what you thought you knew will be shattered to pieces.

He must be awfully bad at reading people….

Now they had been left alone to the kitchen: him, Granger, Theo, and Blaise.

"Your turn Draco! Tell us what you've been up to? How are you here?" Theo threw a sharp look at him.

He shrugged, "Nothing much… Just lying around Granger's"

Blaise raised an eyebrow looking from him to her and back…. They were sitting suspiciously close, he reckoned but didn't really want to move away from her comforting warmth.

"Death eaters tried to torture him to death…he has been staying at my place ever since." She cleared out.

"So, you fight for the order now?" Theo still sounded suspicious. Why? He couldn't figure out…

"I just want this war to end," He said silent but determined.

Granger had taken his hand and squeezed tightly.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Theo shot.

"What side do you fight for Nott?"

He thought he heard an accusation in her voice as she faced Theo across the table.

"What I do, is not your problem to figure out, princess. I've earned my place here, haven't I?"

"Theo" Blaise warned with a low voice.

Why did Theo find a need to question his motives? He had no idea…What exactly had happened to his friends?

"What? Doesn't it bother you, Blaise?" Theo was still glaring at them, "Last time we saw him, he swore loyalty to the Dark Lord. Wasn't he the last we thought would turn? And now we're expected to just believe his story?"

"You have no idea…" Draco muttered.

"He was questioned under veritaserum. McGonagall had no reason to suspect him of anything." Hermione stated.

"Maybe she didn't ask the right questions"

"What's the matter with you Nott?" Granger stood up suddenly, "This is Draco! Your friend Draco! And he has told you everything there is to tell. What is it you need, to be convinced?"

Every eye in the room was staring at her now. She had placed her hand on his shoulder and that seemed to throw bought Blaise and Theo of the track. They were just gaping at that hand…

Then Blaise looked at him, Draco like he had just walked in the room.

"You're here because of her…" Blaise muttered as to himself

"What?" Theo asked loudly still sounding angry.

"Draco's here because of Granger."

"Yes, she told you she saved me…" He was getting rather frustrated.

He had been so relieved they were not dead and now they threw this to him?

"No, that's irrelevant." Blaise was looking at Hermione now.

She was still standing, hand warm on his shoulder.

"Blaise you can't seriously think…" Theo still wouldn't give up.

"Look at them, Theo!" Blaise motioned to their direction.

He knew Blaise knew him well enough to see it. And he knew, him leaning into Granger's touch was telling enough. He hadn't been aware of that before: how he shifted lightly to her direction every time they were close. She was like a magnet pulling him to her. He could have fought the feeling…he had had time to leave, to run from this war, but he hadn't. There was no point denying it was all because of her…

No one said a word, glaring at each other across the table.

"Go on Draco…" Theo challenged, "Deny it."

He stayed silent.

"Seriously? You abandon everything you were because of…a mudblood?"

He didn't have time to think why Theo would say something like that here.

He didn't think he had ever moved so fast. Within seconds he had jumped up, pulled his wand out of his pocket and pointed it at his friend.

"Draco," She said in a quiet soothing voice.

"What did you call her Nott?" He growled, not hearing her.

Theo had raised his hands as a sign of surrender, "your words not mine." there was a hint of amusement in his voice now.

"Don't you dare." He hissed, not lowering his wand, "You have no right"

His free hand pressed to a fist. But at the same time, she lifted her hand to his wand holding one, pushing it down tenderly.

"Draco," He looked at her, she was facing him now, her calm eyes beholding his, "It's ok"

"I can't believe it…"

For a moment there, he had forgotten there were other people in the room, the sound of Theo's voice snapped him back.

His friends were staring at them with a whole different look on their faces, now.

"You and her, eh?" Blaise asked nearly teasingly.

What was he to say to that? So, he just shrugged giving a slight grin.

"I fucking knew it!" Theo screamed out, smacking Blaise's arm, "Pay up!"

The air in the room had turned from threatening to light in mere seconds.

"You…that was all an act, wasn't it?" Her voice sounded surprised, but a little amused too.

"You think we would have gotten it out of Draco Malfoy nicely?" Blaise was grinning widely, "We've had a bet on you two since the Yule Ball."

Yule ball? in the fourth year? that was like eight years ago?

"What?" She seemed to follow his train of thought.

"Oh, come on! You are like two sides of the same coin! Intelligent, passionate, prideful…" The note on Theo's voice was completely different now, "Besides, I just kind of love Rome and Juliet!" he said over dramatically.

"Except the dying in the end part…" Blaise added rolling his eyes.

"So, you made a bet on us? we hated each other back then!" She sounded like she thought they were crazy.

"You'd like to think so Granger." Theo challenged.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe how he went on and on about you that night!" Blaise pointed at Draco, "I think it lasted for weeks..."

"The nerve of that mudblood Granger, showing up with Krum." Theo imitated, and he felt the redness rise to his cheeks, "Did you see her ridiculous dress?", "Wonder how many hours it took to tame that catastrophic hair.", "It's not like she could be pretty, no matter what she tried."

"Nice try mate, but we caught how you looked her…"

They were definitely enjoying this…

"You can't be serious!" Granger threw her hands in the air, "That's so…so Slytherin of you!"

They all laughed.

It felt good to laugh with Blaise and Theo again. Like something broken had been fixed…like his soul was little more whole than yesterday…like the war and the darkness shifted a little further...

They talked for hours. By lunchtime, the rest of the safehouse joined them.

.

.

.

Days went by

Andromeda and McGonagall kept a safe house for outcasts it seemed. In addition to them, Blaise and Theo there were three other people: A girl, about 18-year-old, Lyanna, who had been bitten by Greyback. Her parents were pureblood…they had thrown her out to die. McGonagall had found her starving in the forbidden forest. Lyanna's boyfriend Alexander had refused to leave her alone and join his muggle parents into hiding. So, he was there too. They kept to themselves mostly.

And then there was Andromeda's grandson, Draco's second cousin, a five-year-old Teddy Lupin.

Teddy was a painful reminder of the cruelty of war. His parents were dead…Grangers eyes filled with sorrow every time she looked at the boy. Teddy, on the other hand, seemed to have no worry about the world. He would bounce around happily, babbling endlessly. It was kind of twisted, how he brought bought sorrow and happiness to the house.

"Ddraco! Look, look!" the boy had turned his hair the same shade of blond as his.

Teddy was a metamorphmagus like his late mother Nymphadora.

"That's great," Draco muttered. He had never been close to children before, so he didn't quite know how to talk to the boy.

Hermione giggled beside him.

"What?"

"You really need to relax around Teddy. He's just trying to be your friend." She smiled.

"YEE Ddraco's my friend?" Teddy yelled out.

Hermione kneeled beside the boy and whispered: "I think Draco is a little shy around you Teddy."

Draco rolled his eyes.

"Shy? Why? I'm not dangerous?"

"No, you're not sweetheart."

He glanced at her smiling to the child. Seeing her like this stirred weird feelings in him…feelings he couldn't put names on.

Theo burst into the room, "Teddy, mate! What did you do to your hair?"

"THENO!" Teddy immediately turned his hair to match Theos dirty blond.

"Why does he call you that?" Hermione laughed standing up.

Theo shrugged, "I guess it's short of Theo Nott…He has called me that since the first time we met."

Teddy was clinging on Theos arm now, "Can we play chess again Theno? Pretty please!"

Theo too smiled to the boy warmly. Draco thought the expression looked strange on his friend's face. Pureblood faces were obviously made for negative emotions like malicious glaring and sneering, only.

Theo and Teddy left the room.

Hermione looked after them with sadness in her eyes.

"You pity him?"

She turned to look at him, "No…I mean, he has Andromeda and the boys. I can see he's happy…but he reminds me so much of his parents. He's a constant reminder that they are not here anymore. They won't see him grow and he will never get to know them…"

"He will know them…Andromeda and you, others, will make sure they're never forgotten."

She tried to blink the tears away…but they rolled over. He reached for her and pulled her closer.

It was almost funny, how having her close calmed him. As the heat of her body took away all the worry he might have…except for these mushy thoughts in his head…jeez, get a grip!

"Do you think it's time for us to get home?" Her voice was muffled against him.

They had been staying for about a week. He had assumed they were staying the rest of the war…

"I didn't know we were going back?"

"Well, I sleep better at home." She lifted her face to look at him, "And I'm used to privacy."

He said nothing… Truthfully, he wanted to grab her and go already. He liked to spend time with Theo and Blaise, yes, but he missed their routines at home…her home! He had to remind himself.

"Besides…we have a war to end!" She was staring ahead now, "One more success and we'll be free…"

"Hermione,"

She lifted her face, her breath ghosting on his face, serious eyes looking deep into his like she could see right through his soul. He took a deep breath, "About Tuscany…"

She smiled brilliantly, "Like I would let you slither out of it."

She rose on her toes to meet his lips.

Kissing her freely like this… his hand on the small of her back and hers warm on his chest... it just felt right. Like for that moment he knew where he stood in this world, who he was and what he wanted out of life. Like he was whole.

It thrilled and frightened him, how someone could hold his life in their hands like that…What if she died? What if she didn't want him after the war? He shouldn't let her define him like this... But what could you do? It was not like he was leaving either…

Someone cleared their throat by the door. They broke apart at once.

"I still can't believe that is real." Blaise grinned at them.

He lifted an eyebrow.

"I mean you two!" Blaise waved his hand between them… "I mean, it looks real, but we, me and Theo, we expected denial...especially from you, Draco."

He shrugged. He was not going to explain himself to Blaise. But he had thought about it too…how he just excepted what he was feeling for her. It had been easy to ignore everything when it was just the two of them, and their only reality existed inside the walls of her apartment. It had been easy not to think about what they were. Then, he had nearly lost her, and knowing the excruciating pain the thought of her gone caused him… what would be the point of fighting the will of never letting her out of sight again? If the thought of losing her made him feel so terrible and lost, why bother denying?

"We are at war Blaise." She said next to him, "There is no promise of tomorrow and I don't know about you, but if I had some way of defying, even a little, the darkness surrounding my life, why would I deny it?"

"Does someone else know about him?"

She shook her head.

"You're quite something, Granger," Blaise said with a half-smile on his face.

Draco pulled her closer to his side. Yes, she was…

.

.

.

They returned home. Her home! But when he fell asleep on the familiar bed with her familiar scent around him, he couldn't help but think how much this felt like home for him, too.

Should he be bothered? He was asleep before he had time to process it further.

 


	11. Chapter 11

_The dance of flames and shadows in the street_  
_Make poetry nobody's ever heard_  
_The weight of loneliness stands on your feet_  
_The cage already there around the bird_  
_So why don't we join the masquerade  
_ _before it all falls apart, before our love becomes insatiate?_

 _What does tomorrow want from me?_  
_What does it matter what I see?_  
_If I can't choose my own design,  
_ _Tell me where do we draw the line?_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Where do we draw the line?~_

 

 

  
She came home from yet another meeting with a worried look on her face.

It was funny, really, how good he had become at reading her expressions. Immediately after she stepped from the floo, he was able to tell if she had fought with someone, if she didn't agree with them, if they had approved her plan, if something worried her…

Today she looked puzzled and sat down biting her lower lip like she usually did when she was bothered or had to think especially hard.

"What is it?" He got up and sat opposite her by the table.

The look she had in her eyes, was somehow sad and worried and…sadly happy? at the same time.

"Ginny's pregnant…"

"What?"

He didn't know why, but it didn't sound like good news…had she meant it to?

She nodded, "She told me after the meeting." a pause, that spoke more than her words, "No one else knows."

"Is it Potters?" He blurted out the first question that came to his mind.

The answer was quite obvious…

She nodded again.

He remembered Hermione telling him how she didn't want children to this cruel world…And Teddy…a reminder how war treated the innocent. Potter had been born in the middle of war himself and look what good it did to him!

"Does he know?"

"That's the problem…"

"So, no?"

She shook her head, "Ginny doesn't want to tell him…She thinks it will distract him."

"You think she's right?"

She didn't look at him, "I don't know… I mean I guess it can do that, but on the other hand…" she glanced at him, "This is war and you can never know what happens tomorrow. What if he dies? Then he never knew…I just… I think he should have that… the knowledge that his legacy will live on…that he didn't fight in vain."

He nodded, totally understanding what she meant, "What about Weaslette?"

"What about her?"

"You won't let her fight, will you?"

Why was he suddenly this concerned about the safety of a girl he hadn't seen in years and even then barely exchanged two words with?

"Well…I think it's easier said than done… Getting her away from it…but I have to try."

It must be because of Granger, he decided. Weaslette was her friend, if she was hurt, Hermione would be devastated…

"Don't you think, that Potter knowing would help?"

"It's not my place to tell him"

"Then convince her!" He didn't still quite understand why this touched him so much? Maybe it wasn't just because of Hermione, but because of Teddy, too.

Suddenly she smiled, "You're a good man Draco."

"This has nothing to do with me." He huffed.

"I just wanted you to know." She took his hand across the table, "Thank you. This made my head a whole lot clearer."

He hadn't meant to smile at her…but did anyway.

.

.

.

"It's a dead end everywhere we look!" She ranted, pacing around the living room, "We know he stays at your family manor. We know they don't think we can attack there, because of the heavy wards we can't break. If we could just get Harry in. He could go with his invisibility cloak, kill Voldemort without anyone knowing what hit him. But we can't get through the wards! We can't even figure out, what kind of wards they are using!"

He stared at her: Why was this the first time he heard about this?

"The ancestral wards of the manor, of course."

She stopped on her tracks.

"Why didn't you tell me you were looking to get inside the manor?"

"I… I thought I did…" She sat down, her frustration completely forgotten, "The ancestral wards? Tell me about them!"

"They are ancient blood wards activated from inside the manor. It can be done only by someone belonging to the Malfoy bloodline. When the wards are up, no one, but a Malfoy could get through. Even mother couldn't touch them. Father is the only one who can control them..."

It wasn't true, he realized right after the words had left his lips…

"And you?" She whispered

Coldness filled him with her statement, "yes, and me…"

So, this was it? His make or break moment? The moment he couldn't pretend he didn't fight for any side but his?

Without a second thought, he straightened his back, "I'll do it! Go inside, break the wards and let Potter in"

She gaped at him with her eyes wide and then started to shake her head fiercely, "No…You can't…It's too much of a risk."

"It's the only choice."

She was still shaking her head, curls bouncing, "We'll figure out something else! If you go, you'll be targeted by both sides."

She stood up, "We could just…"

He, too, got up, standing opposite to her, trying to look calm and collected…

Maybe this was, what he was meant to do. His only chance to be of use…To be a hero...sort of.

"You know it's the only way…" He tried to reach her hand, but she pulled it away.

"NO! It's not! They will kill you!"

"Then that's what it takes." The calm determination in his voice surprised even himself.

"I…no!" She whispered, "I didn't save you so that you could get yourself killed! Why would you say that!?" Her eyes were wide and pleading.

He swallowed hard, "No one will ever be free if the dark lord lives… Theo, Blaise, Andromeda…Teddy, Weaslette's child…you."

She smiled sadly and took his hand, linking their fingers together, "I will never be free if you're gone."

POOF! All worry and sorrow and misery vanished from his mind for a moment. She could have as well screamed out she loved him. He felt light and fluffy, ready to burst out of the window and soar in the sky with the birds.

but it was a short-lived joy...

This was not a romantic fantasy moment, this was the reality, and, at the moment, the reality was not a fantasy.

"We need to at least look into some other options!" her plea was so desperate he could do nothing but nod.

She closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him. He buried his face into her hair and held her close.

No matter how hard he fought back…how hard he wanted to change the course of fate, to be a better man, there was no fighting back that his path had always led down to his demise. The last thing he could do was to make it even count…

.

.

.

She shook him. He had fallen asleep on the sofa while searching options to his sacrifice, once again.

They had been doing this research for days. She had brought home half of Hogwarts library, it seemed. But the only ways to get through blood wards always included killing the person whose blood was needed.

"I figured it out!" She said triumphantly.

He was awake at once.

"There is no way to get your Malfoy blood into someone else's bloodstream by magic, without killing you. But…" She took a deep breath, "there is a muggle way!"

"What?"

How could muggles do something magic couldn't?

"When muggles lose a lot of blood, for example in a serious accident, doctors give them someone else's blood instead!" She looked smug, "We just need to do a little raid into a muggle hospital, steal some gear. Then you donate blood and we pump it into me! I sneak in the manor, take the wards down and the order will be able to apparate straight in!"

Once, the thought of his precious pureblood, running in her veins, would have outraged him… Now, his blood in her system stirred completely opposite feelings inside of him.

"So, you just sacrifice yourself instead of me? How is that any better?" He asked dryly, not getting her excitement.

"It won't be a sacrifice! I won't get caught! Besides the Order knows I fight for them, so unlike you, I will be protected, once they get in."

He had to give it to her: It sounded like a plausible plan. Risky, but there was no chance to avoid risks in war… He was still reluctant to let her do all the work, while he did nothing, though.

"What if you get hurt again? What if you die this time?"

"That's a risk we have to take! But you have to admit, I have a hell-of-a-lot more chances to get out of it alive than you do."

She was right of course…

"We still can't be certain the wards will accept you!" He tried.

"No, but it's better than anything else we've come up."

He hated that she was right! He wanted to prove that there was a loophole, something she hadn't thought of, something that he could use to prevent her from going…But no…

"So, how are you planning to steal from the hospital?"

She looked thoughtful, "There is blood donation every Thursday…maybe we should just go and check if a chance presents itself."

"Doesn't sound too thoroughly planned…"

"No, but we're talking about a muggle hospital…I think we'll find a way."

"We?"

"Why yes. You and me of course."

He was going with her?

"That is if you rather not come…" She added hesitating.

"No! That's not what I meant. It just took me by surprise."

.

.

.

The muggle London made him feel uneasy. Not because it was muggle, but because it felt dangerous to be out in the open like that. After all, it had been nearly a year since the last time he walked freely in the streets. She didn't look too confident either, glancing around every now and then.

She had instructed him to keep his wand out of sight, but somewhere he could easily reach it. She showed how she put hers in her sleeve so that she could just flick it out if needed.

The hospital was white and sterile and unwelcoming. Where St. Mungo's was calm and quiet, this was busy and lively.

She walked to the counter: "I'd like to donate blood. Where should I go?"

"Straight ahead and to the right."

He followed her, trying not to stare at all the weird devices and muggle doctors, as they passed them.

"So, watch closely, we have only one chance to learn how it is done. When they leave us alone, grab what we need, shrink it and put it in my bag…" She kept whispering to him as they walked.

"Yes, I know the plan! We went through it only about a hundred times."

But the process blew him off guard.

He was not ready to see a huge needle sinking into Granger's skin and her crimson blood start to drip to a bag next to her.

He had never known needles made him so sick. He just stared, feeling slightly ill.

"Draco!" She whispered trying not to attract anyone else's attention, "Draco! Get a grip! The stuff we need is behind you."

He still couldn't move. Were they going to do more of this on their own? How much blood could you give away and stay alive?

"Draco! Come on!" She was getting impatient.

He slapped himself mentally and turned around. Needles and bags and a hose…he grabbed some extra just to be sure and stuffed them in the back they had with them.

"Good, good!" She hissed, "Now let's act normal..."

It didn't take long before they were walking out again.

"That was the easiest raid I've ever done." She laughed lightly.

But he knew, this had been only the easiest part of their plan…

 


	12. Chapter 12

_Turn the page I need to see something new_  
_For now my innocence is torn_  
_We cannot linger on this stunted view_  
_Like rabid dogs of war_  
_I will let the memory heal  
_ _I'll remember you with me on that field_

 _When I thought that I fought this war alone_  
_You were there by my side on the frontline_  
_And we fought to believe the impossible_  
_When I thought that I fought this war alone_  
_We were one with our destinies entwined_  
_When I thought that I fought without a cause  
_ _You gave me the reason why_

_~Poets Of The Fall, War~_

 

The plan:

1\. They'd take his blood and with muggle medicine-gear inject it into her vanes. She had said something about some types of blood not mixing and something about blood types and something about how they had to just take the chance. He hadn't understood much of it though.

2\. She would tell The Order lies about how she had figured out a way to get past Malfoy wards. And hope no one would question what her ways were.

3\. She would borrow Potters invisibility cloak, sneak into the Manor and take the wards down. Hoping that his blood mixing with hers was enough…

4\. Potter would apparate in, followed by the rest of the order and kill Voldemort to the spot.

5\. They would capture the rest of the death eaters and the war would be over.

If only it was that easy.

He thought the plan was filled with holes. There were so many things that could go wrong.

First of all: they had drawn the layout of the manor based on his memory. Of course, he remembered his childhood home in detail, but the place, where the wards could be activated, was just a lucky guess. If they got it wrong, her task would be millions of times harder.

"This is the best we've got." She assured him again.

He could think a bunch of questions, that they hadn't thought about. For example, what if it wouldn't work and she would not be able to get out?

But she was not going to back off. He knew it by the look on her face and the grit on her teeth. She would force it through. That was, how hard she wanted to end the war.

"I've fought this fricking war ever since I entered the wizarding world." She explained, "I entered this beautiful world, and for the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. But ever since, I've fought for the right to be a part of it. I want to be able to live a life, and not be frightened all the time!"

He understood her point and truthfully, felt guilty about his part in her fight for her rights.

.

.

.

Time was mocking him. Hours flew by and the day turned to another without his consent.

Most nights he lay awake, holding her as close as he dared, trying not to wake her. But most nights she, too, seemed to be unable to sleep.

Then they lie facing each other, mostly silent, but sometimes talking in quiet voices.

Sometimes she sang, songs he didn't recognize…muggle lullabies her mother used to sing to her when she was a little girl.

And if it hadn't been the war and battles looming in the background, maybe he would have described himself happy.

"Funny," She said one of those nights, caressing his jawline with her soft hand, "Back in the days I always thought your face was so hard…"

He didn't say anything.

"Then I saw you smile, like genially smile, and I thought you were so beautiful."

"When was that?"

She shrugged, "I guess in the fifth year. You were practicing on a Quidditch field…Ginny had forgotten something in the locker rooms and we came to get it. She went in and I watched you fly. I've always thought Harry and Ginny were good flyers, but you…you were a human form of grace that day."

To be honest, he felt quite smug

"You never told me this before…"

He tried to remember that day, but it had been so many years ago and he flew so often back then.

"Just remembered it. Can you imagine how shocked I was, when I caught myself thinking about you that way? I think I was in so much denial, I tried to just forget everything. But somehow after that, I couldn't see you as pure evil anymore. Maybe my brain wouldn't except, that someone evil could smile so pure…or maybe I understood, that you were just a boy… but something definitely changed that day."

He tried to process her words and suddenly, the bet Theo and Blaise had made, popped into his mind.

"You know, Theo and Blaise were right…about the yule ball. That was the day something changed for me."

Her eyes lit up so beautifully when she looked at him.

"I heard Weasley talk you down and I had this strange urge to strangle him! Even more than usual, I mean."

She chuckled.

"And Pansy…She kept trying to get my attention, and all I could think of was how she irritated me! I had planned to take her virginity that night, and you ruined everything! I was so mad!"

Now she laughed out loud, "Oh, poor teenage Draco! So caught up by another woman, that you couldn't even perform!"

"It was not funny back then! I had planned it for months." He pouted, "I planned to run after you and make you pay for what your mere presence did to me!"

"But you never did…"

He shook his head.

They fell silent for a while.

Then she said thoughtfully: "What would have happened if you did, run after me, I mean?"

He shrugged.

"You think, we would have faced the truth earlier?" her eyes were serious.

"The truth?"

"That we are, like Theo and Blaise so kindly put it, two sides of the same coin?"

Would they? Or was this the result of everything they had gone through? Would fourteen-year-old Draco and Hermione have been even able to look past the differences and see each other the way they saw now? If he had had her, would Dumbledore be alive and Voldemort dead?

"I think not…" He said quietly, "I was too spoiled, too biased and too much of a prat, to admit anything I was taught, could be wrong..."

She smiled, "Lucky you grew up."

He nodded, "lucky, despite all the pain and horror it took."

"I believe it will pay up!"

He really wanted to believe her.

"I hope so, too."

She leaned closer to him and pressed their lips together…

There are so many ways you can describe it: You can fuck…or shag…or bang…or screw…or even have sex…

He was pretty sure they had done all of them before.

But now, when she pushed herself flush against him and tangled her hands in his hair. When his hands gripped her ass and he traveled kisses down her body. When her soft whimpers filled the room. When he joined their bodies together kissing her deeply. When she straddled him, and he gripped her hips, urging her to move faster, staring into her lust filled eyes. When she screamed his name as she came…

When this was all of him, and this was all of her…

He was pretty sure, this would be called making love…

.

.

.

The night he had feared came too soon.

She came home and told him it was time. Pulled out the things they stole from the hospital and made him sit down.

"Don't look." She said as she pierced his skin with the needle.

It didn't exactly hurt. The feeling of blood starting to drip out, was very weird, like someone pulling the veins in his hand.

She gave him the blood restoring potion, as the bags filled up "Drink up so you won't drain out of blood"

After five bags she seemed to be satisfied.

"Ok, now we need to put a needle in my hand and keep the bag above my heart for the blood to go in." She sounded more confident than she probably was, he reckoned.

This was just crazy! If they survived, he would never ever do this again!

"Draco, if something happens to me during this, if I pass out or something, take me to the muggle hospital. Tell them we were doing some ritual and I got your blood in my system. They'll know how to fix it."

"How dangerous exactly is this?" He suspected she hadn't told him everything.

"It's just the blood types… But we have no time to think about that now! Others are waiting for me!"

She rammed the needle in her vain and made him keep the bag above her.

He stared at her, trying to locate any anomaly in her behavior.

Except the blood dripping slowly into her, nothing happened.

Their blood, mixing into one…It felt symbolic. His pureblood fusing into hers... as he had fused into her world…like he had fused into her…

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine, are the same." She whispered as if talking to herself.

He glanced her, "What?"

"Nothing, just a literature quote that I remembered…" She shook her head, "Can I call myself a half-blood now?" She smiled trying obviously to lighten the mood.

He didn't feel like joking. Instead, he was deep in thought, thinking about her quote…his and mine, are the same… And there it was again: the overpowering feeling, that made his heart race, but that he couldn't quite put a name on.

It took quite a bit longer to get to blood into her, than it took, to get it out of him. But finally, they were ready.

"How do you feel?"

She shook her head, "Little weird, but otherwise fine."

They were standing face to face.

"So, this is it? final showdown?" He asked, trying to ignore how heavy his heartfelt.

Suddenly he was faced with the reality that she was leaving to fight again. And he was of no use…

"It's not like it's happening today." She stated, "But I need to be there…for the final preparations."

"So you're leaving now?"

TOO SOON!

She nodded, "If everything goes like it's supposed to, I will be gone for a week, at most."

"And me?"

Why hadn't they planned this part through?

Please don't make me stay here!

He was sure, that after a week not knowing if she was alive, his sanity would be gone.

"Draco, I need you to go to Andromeda's first thing tomorrow morning," She said steadily, "you'll be safe there with the others, but if something goes wrong…"

He shook his head, "Don't…"

"No, you need to listen! If I don't come back, take Theo and Blaise and run! Leave the country, go somewhere, where no one would think to look for you. Change your identity, color your hair…anything to make it harder to find you. Please, Draco!"

What could he say to that?

How he wished he had the power to make her stay.

"If I don't come back, don't doubt! There's nothing you can do for me, but to stay alive and carry on." Her eyes were watery, but her voice fierce "I saved you to give you another chance! I will not let you waste it!"

"I didn't sign up for this!" He tried to reach her, but she didn't let him.

"I have one more thing to ask from you: If this goes to hell, take Ginny with you. She will not want to come, she will fight tooth and nail, but I know you can handle it. I need you to promise me Draco!?" She was pleading him.

He didn't want to just give up and agree. He didn't want to promise her, that he would just leave her behind, possibly not knowing what had happened…

"Please Draco, Promise me?"

"I will, but I need a promise from you, too."

She nodded hesitantly.

"Come back, so this can be the last promise for you, I break."

She laughed sadly and nodded again.

"I'm so sorry we didn't have more time…" She took his hand.

She was really going…Every second, the moment she'd be gone, ticked closer, and every second his mind felt darker.

"Draco, I…"

"Don't!" Suddenly, he didn't want her to finish that sentence, "Don't say it, if it sounds like a goodbye."

He pulled her to him and kissed her hard. Trying, and failing, to not to kiss her like it was goodbye. Willing to memorize every part of her… the feel of her against him, the smell of her hair, the taste of her sweet lips, the beat of her heart.

"I wish we had found each other sooner." She said when they pulled little apart, "I wish I had seen you, the real you, sooner… I wish I had more time to tell you how much…"

But he cut her off again because he feared, that with her words out, but her gone, he'd lose his mind… "You will have time after Voldemort is dead!"

They shared one more crushing kiss. He felt like part of his soul was ripped away as they parted.

She gave him a slow nod and a brave smile.

"Don't look back…" He whispered.

She let go of his hands and walked away.

And he was left there, feeling like all the light, all the warmth…all the love…had exited the room with her.

He sat on her sofa, staring to nothingness, for most of the night, flinching every sound, secretly wishing she had returned.

At sunrise, he took the portkey and gathered all his self-control.

Don't feel

Conceal your emotions

Mask them with indifference

Take a deep breath

Go…

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you like to know what happened to Hermione? I bet you would...but I'm going to keep you waiting for a little bit longer...I'm sorry, not sorry, about that! :D
> 
> But on we go:

_Is this really how quickly it goes away_  
_I can't feel my emotions arrive today_

 _'Cause I still love how you say my name_  
_I still taste you kissing my pain away_  
_Still see your tears through the rain_  
_These burning sensations sustain_

 _Feel the distance bring us closer_  
_Water would cool and soothe my pain_  
_If we could touch now, just hold on now_  
_Bridges would never burn again_

_~Poets Of The Fall, The Distance~_

 

He thought he'd somehow got the wrong portkey and landed in the middle of the battlefield.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" A woman's voice was yelling and firing hexes, that the others tried to dodge.

"You can't just make me stay here! I won't take it!" The flame hair of Ginny Weasley was flowing around her as she fought, "I'm not going to let them go without me! Don't you dare touch me!"

McGonagall had tried to reach her arm to get her to calm down.

"Weaslette!" He took a step forward and it seemed that they realized just now he had arrived.

The element of surprise was on his side because her wand stopped just enough to give Minerva time to disarm her.

"Why don't you just use that pretty little head of yours and think what is best for you…" He drawled.

Funny, how years of suppressing and hiding his emotions paid off now. His heart still felt like it was going to shatter in thousands of pieces any minute, but he still could manage a calm indifferent voice to come out.

"Malfoy?" Her eyes went wide, and she looked to McGonagall.

"Is this a trap? Have they gotten to you already?"

The professor shook her head, "Mr. Malfoys loyalties lie with the light, he has proven himself."

The she Weasel stared at him with narrow suspicious eyes, "What happened to you that got you to turn your boat?"

"My side tried to kill me…"

"Not good enough." She huffed, "I saw you on McGregor house last fall…"

"That was when it happened." He kept his voice as cold as hers was.

This was good…kept his thoughts away from Granger.

"But that's not why you're here now?"

He shook his head, no.

This was not Hermione, this girl had never seen him as anything but a threat…and a Dead Eater. This girl wasn't as forgiving…She would have gladly left him in the forest to die.

"Then pray tell me, why should I trust you, or anyone who trusts you here."

"Because Hermione does."

Or did… The pain the thought caused.

"And because I know, why you shouldn't be fighting." He looked at her challenging.

Her eyes went wide, "no…" She whispered.

"Does he know? Did he send you? Or is this Granger's doing?"

The room was dead silent now. Ginny was breathing heavy, staring him.

"I told no one, but her…" She breathed out.

"You should have told him." His voice was a low growl. Why would he even care?

The girl completely broke down and started to cry. He saw Andromeda and McGonagall glace each other and give a breath of relief.

"I couldn't! He's a mess! I'm a mess! And the world is fucked up! I…He…He couldn't have taken it!" She screamed now.

"And when I wanted to, it was too late! They had gone, and I tried to follow but Hermione stopped me."

"She told you, it's not about you anymore?" He could picture her, eyes blazing, determined to make Weaslette see.

The redhead nodded. Tears streamed down her face, "I hate this is you, I talk to!" She cried out in frustration, "I'm not supposed to just take your words and start opening up! I should kill you right in the spot! But you know what? Hermione and I talked about you just a few days ago. It was about capturing the death eaters and a chance on redemption…She told me that we should consider that you were brought up to those ideas and your name came up… I thought there was something weird in a way she said your name."

She had started to pace around the room, her face troubled again. He noticed the older witches had disappeared and left them alone. Probably still listening somewhere nearby.

"I didn't mean for this to happen!"

"Well, you should have considered that before you let…"

"Shut up, Malfoy!" She whipped around, "Let's talk about you for a change! Hermione trusts you enough to tell you my secrets? How did that happen?"

"I thought you bet your money for them, Red."

Both Draco and Ginny turned to the door, startled.

He should have known already to be prepared for weird encounters between people he didn't know knew each other. But he was still completely blown off guard when Weaslette suddenly screamed: "Blaise" And rushed to actually hug the man, standing by the doorway.

"How are you here?"

There was something strange in a way his friend looked at the girl in front of him. "We've been here for a while actually…me and Theo. We defected, run and 'Dromeda took us in…everyone but the people here thinks we're dead."

This was just strange, "You two know each other?"

Blaise grinned and shrugged.

"She was in on our bet."

Well, this was unexpected… "What?"

"She overheard us and wanted in."

He stared at them, "The fourth year?"

They nodded.

"So you're with her? that's why you know?" Weaslette was staring at him with a whole different expression now, "I knew she had something going on, but she kept telling me it was the war. I told her, she couldn't expect me to believe that the war made her smile like that! And the things she suddenly just figured out?"

"I told her…"

"So, you do fight for us?"

"Does this look like fighting to you?" He started to get frustrated again.

Suddenly her eyes went wide, "The blood wards! She told us she figured out a way to get in the manor! It has something to do with you, doesn't it?"

And it was back to remembering Granger was in danger…

"She is using my blood."

"How?" Blaise spoke up, "There is no way the wards will accept her…unless…"

"Unless Malfoy blood runs in her system," He nodded

Ginny had lifted her hands to her mouth.

"How did you manage that?" Blaise's voice was tight.

"Muggle medicine technology… trust me, it was not pretty."

"Oh god," Ginny whispered.

Blaise whistled, "You two…I don't even know what to say…"

.

.

.

Later that night, Weaslette had finally given up her fight after having a long private conversation with McGonagall. Everyone had gone to their rooms, if not to sleep, at least to be alone…

He was sitting in the kitchen with Blaise. Not really willing to go try to sleep or go and lie alone in the bed he and Granger once shared.

"She is pregnant, isn't she?" Blaise asked suddenly.

"Who? Granger?"

"No, idiot! Weaslette…Ginny." his face was troubled.

Draco nodded, "How did you figure that out?"

"I heard you in the morning, didn't take me that long to figure out… Is it Potters'?"

He nodded, "Apparently."

Blaise fell silent.

When he spoke again his voice was distant, "Do you see it for yourself? a family?"

He shook his head, "I never thought I'd live that long…"

Silence.

Draco studied his friends' sad expression when it hit him: "Her? You wanted her? Red?"

Blaise was staring at the table ahead of him, "I actually thought I stood a chance once…"

Great, another thing he had been kept in the dark about, "When was that?"

"After the bet in the yule ball, we became kind of acquaintances. First, it was just sitting in the same table in the library. Then we started to study together, to fly together and to spar each other. You could say we were friends…Or I let her believe I just wanted to be friends. She told me things she said barely anyone knew… Did you know she was possessed by a part of Voldemort's soul most of her first year?"

Draco shook his head.

Blaise went on, "She told me she couldn't be my friend anymore when she started to date Potter. She said it pained her too much…I never asked why…I assumed it was because we were kind of enemies… Then she came back to school for her sixth year and Potter had left her. She was so furious with him. She begged for my forgiveness, told me she was so blinded by her will to be with Harry she forgot she should never let go of her friends... Those who had been there for her…We studied together again and with Potter out of the way, we grew quite close…"

He saw where this was going…but Weaslette had been with Potter for the last five years, hadn't she?

"She is a spitfire, Draco. She's alive and real and fierce and willful. I told her more than once, she should be Slytherin… And I felt like she saw me for who I was, and not this cold, hard, evil snake everyone else saw… I think I loved her…and for three glorious months, she was mine…"

He loved her?

"What happened?"

"War happened...Before I could tell her…anything…Potter was back, and the Dark Lord was at the gates. When it was over her brother was dead and I was a death eater. I was a hazard for her safety, so I told her we couldn't be anything…That we were just blinded by the situation. That it wasn't real and that she belonged to Potter…I wanted to save her and for that, I lost her."

"You loved her?" Why hadn't he had any clue this was going on? He had been there, at Hogwarts, too!

Oh, but he had been yelling around the Weasleys were blood traitors…no wonder no one told him...

"I think I still do... but it's too late, she'll never be mine."

Silence fell between them once again.

Then Blaise laughed humorlessly, "Look at us! We are a disgrace for Slytherin! Two death eaters falling for the heroes girls. How can we even dream of standing a chance?"

He was right…How could they think, girls like Ginny and Hermione would choose them over Potter and Weasley?

Suddenly he was grateful that his girl was out there fighting when Blaise's girl was here safe, yes, but pregnant with another man's child, not the other way around.

"She wasn't Weasley's girl anymore when she found me in the forest." He stated.

"She wasn't? Damn! I thought you stole her."

He shook his head, "She told me Weasley still wouldn't believe she's not going back to him."

"I never figured out what she saw in that oaf anyway."

"Neither did I." He muttered.

"So, tell me? How did that happen? You managed to dodge the question last time you were here."

"What?"

But he knew what Blaise meant.

"Well, you and her of course! I mean, how did you get past yourselves to become that close?"

He shrugged, "She had a strange urge to somehow save me. She told me she's not going to feed me propaganda or ask me to choose a side. But her mere existence is propaganda! A few weeks living with her and I couldn't remember why I had thought Muggle-borns don't deserve magic. A few months and I couldn't remember why I thought she's an insufferable know-it-all. A few more and I couldn't recall which part of her wasn't beautiful…"

Her wild curls and light laugh filled his thoughts as he thought of her. He looked at his friend, "With her…I feel more whole and less lost…Like I could be something more…someone better…"

Blaise nodded, yes, he knew…

And the night ticked on…

.

.

.

The uncertainty seemed to be hanging around the house. No one talked much, no one speculated. On days, they tried to keep up this stupid overly cheery mood, because of Teddy. But Draco could have made a bet the child saw right through it… that's how miserably they failed to hide their concern.

Blaise and Theo, who had less to lose, tried to keep his mind off things. They played chess, talked about their years in Hogwarts, tried to remember as many spells as they could.

They even went outside to toss a ball to each other. But they didn't have brooms so, no flying to clear his mind. But Ginny and Teddy joined them and for a brief moment there, with Teddy running across the yard yelling: "I'm a staw chaser, you can't catch me!" and Theo doing a huge tiger leap to catch him, they actually laughed…

all of them…

Even him… even Weaslette.

.

.

.

For the last two nights, he hadn't even tried to sleep and refused to go up to their room. Every now and then he would dose out on the sofa but woke up with a jolt a few minutes later.

By three in the morning, Ginny joined him.

"We need to think what happens if they fail." She sat down in an armchair across the room.

"Granger told me she'll be gone for a week at most."

He had tried to avoid this subject…

"And then?"

"If nothing by then, or bad news before that, we run."

"We?"

"Me, Blaise, Theo…" He glanced at the girl, "And she made me promise we'll take you too."

She huffed angrily: "Why is everyone thinking they can decide for me? I'm not a fucking baby!"

"She said you'd put up a fight."

"You wouldn't force me, would you?" Her voice told him, fighting was exactly what she would do.

"I promised her…I will not let her down." He hesitated, "And you should think what's best for your child."

"You think to leave somewhere to hide with you, would be best for the baby?" She laughed with no humor, "Away from my family? from everyone I love? You think I'd leave Harry behind?"

"You do realize, that if it comes to that, they will not be there anymore for you to return to?" He forced the words out and realized they sounded more venomous than he had meant.

You think I would run if there'd be a chance she's still alive? He wanted to ask, but realized, before the words came out, that was exactly what she thought.

"And you must know Blaise won't let you go to look for them?" He added instead.

"Blaise?" She stared at him like she didn't know what he was talking about.

But she wasn't that good of an actor.

He remained silent.

She tilted her chin up, "As I care…"

"I think you do."

"And what, Malfoy, would possibly make you think that? you know nothing about me!"

"No, but I know him, and idiotic bravery isn't his cup of tea."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"'Any means to achieve their ends'…Does that ring a bell? I know him well enough to know, that his only end would be to keep you safe."

"He and I have nothing to do with each other." Her voice was steady and proud, but her eyes flashed, telling a different story.

"No? is that what you told Potter?"

Why was he pushing this?

Gosh, he missed Granger!

"Don't you dare…" Ginny hissed.

"What? Don't I dare talk, how the golden boy left you, to keep you safe? Did you feel safe? Did he think that you, not being together, would somehow save you? You were his weakness, whether you were with him officially, or not. How stupid are you lot? Thinking that ending a relationship would make Him think Potter didn't care about you anymore?"

"I DIDN'T AGREE!" She cried out, "I never thought that! I never had any say! He left me to fight on my own! Like they always did!" Her voice faded, and she cast her eyes down.

They…The Golden Trio…even Hermione.

"But you forgave him?"

"I loved him!"

loved? but she went on: "I loved him since I was a girl! And I loved him and I loved him! I loved him so much. He returned alive and he needed me. And there was a war and I kind of forgot what he did to me. And I have loved him through the battles and deaths and madness…"

Granger had said Potter wasn't completely sane anymore…

"And what do you get out of it?"

"It will get better. When the war is over… We'll have time to fix it." She sounded like she desperately wanted to believe that herself too.

"You think so?"

"I know so!" Her voice was still steady, but she wouldn't look at him.

Granger's words rang in his ears: "I don't live with them in the headquarters because they all frighten me. This war has changed everyone. We are not the same, we were five years ago. I'm not sure who we are anymore. And it terrifies me to think of what we will be if we ever survive this war."

"And Blaise?" He just had to ask.

"Why do you keep asking about him? I told you. We are nothing!"

"That's not what he told me."

Maybe he should have just shut up… but then there would be silence. And silence was hell these days.

Her eyes grew wide, "He told you? I can't believe him! We agreed never to talk about it! Like it never happened!"

"Easy for you to say… You just went back to Potter."

"He told me to! Zabini! He told me to, not to contact him anymore! He told me it was a mistake!"

"And you just believed him!? How thick are you? Potter tells you he can't be with you and you just get angry and refuse to believe it. But when Blaise tells you the same, you just take it? Or did you just want to believe him? were you relieved?"

She stared at him, silent.

He didn't know why he had the need to confront her about her relationship with Blaise. Probably it had something to do with Blaise telling him he loved her still. Or maybe he was worried, that what happened to them, could happen to him and Granger too? Would she believe him, if he suddenly told her he'd changed his mind? Would she go back to Weasley?

"At least some of us know how to keep their girl safe…" He muttered when she still hadn't said anything.

"I'm not his girl!"

"No, because you chose Potter even after he didn't choose you."

"Yes, I did! And I'd still do!" But he heard the hesitation in her voice.

"Do you really?"

Granger wouldn't have liked the way he talked... He could almost see her, hands on her hips telling him to shut it…

The thought almost made him smile.

 


	14. Chapter 14

_Come to me now, and together we'll go_  
Where the clearer winds blow, far and beyond  
_Leaving behind all our sorrow and pride_  
_Kissing them goodbye, into another life_

 _On the morning tide_  
_We'll hoist the sails to brave the crashing waves_  
_Won't you come with me and hear the ocean sigh_  
_And if to its depths it called us by our names_  
_Won't you sail to the shore with me_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Morning tide~_

It was the morning of the fifth day, they were sitting in the kitchen in silence. Weaslette tried to nib a piece of bread. No one else ate. Theo had made coffee so dark you could barely swallow it.

But he did anyway.

No news… good or bad.

Andromeda and Teddy had left yesterday, taking Lyanna and Alexander with them. She hadn't told where, only that she was taking Teddy away, just for his safety. They'd return in a few weeks if it was safe.

McGonagall too had left. They guessed she was called to fight with the Order.

So, there they were, the four of them. Waiting for something, but not really knowing what it was, they were waiting for.

"Someone will come and tell us the news." Theo tried to root belief in them.

"Only McGonagall and Hermione know we're even here," Ginny muttered.

She was right... If it ended badly, they wouldn't know...

"Should we just leave then?" Theo tried.

"NO!" Draco blurt out, not looking up, "Granger told me a week."

"Draco." A familiar voice spoke by the door.

Everyone froze.

He jumped up, faster than he had ever moved before, and whipped around to see it was really her.

But the moment he saw her, he knew… Something was badly wrong.

There was no blood this time, her clothes were clean and not torn. But her face was tearstained and white, and her eyes were full of pain.

No one moved.

He wanted to go to her, but his feet refused to move.

It was like the time had stopped moving.

"What is it?" Ginny asked quietly.

Grangers face crumbled, "We won…" She burst out.

It should have been good news, but the way she said it told them there was more to it... and he had a feeling it wouldn't be good...

"But?!" There was desperation in Weaslette's voice now.

Hermione shook her head, tears streaming down her face and whispered: "But they're dead."

"Who?" Ginny's voice had a panicked high note in it.

No answer…

"Hermione, who all?" Ginny had started to cry, too.

"I'm sorry Ginny…" She sobbed.

"No…"

Blaise took a step closer to the girl.

"There was nothing I could do. I was too far away! He killed Voldemort! But he wasn't fast enough… And Ron…Oh god, Ron…He jumped in front…he couldn't stop it and he…" She couldn't go on.

The realization hit him:

Potter and Weasley…The heroes….the saviors…the golden boys…had fallen.

"It's not true!" Ginny screamed. At the same moment, Blaise grabbed her and pulled her to him.

"No! Let me go! It can't be true! You're lying, Hermione! Tell me it's not true!" She was screaming and trying to break free from Blaise's hold. But he wouldn't let her.

Hermione had turned around and rushed out of the room before he got his legs back and he ran behind her.

He had to get to her!

She had fallen on her knees in the middle of the yard when he reached her.

He fell next to her and finally she was in his arms. Maybe broken and damaged, but alive!

"I couldn't save them." She wailed miserably, "I got them in, it went just as we planned, but I couldn't save them."

"I'm sure you did your best." He whispered against her hair, holding her close.

The happiness of her being alive was clouded by her overflowing sorrow. He knew how it felt: to lose someone you love and not being able to do anything about it. To see the light in their eyes, go down and their broken body falling to the ground. The emptiness in your heart where that person used to be… The feeling of hopelessness filling you.

"I saw them fall, but I couldn't move… all I could think about was how I promised to you… how, if I die, I'll never be able to tell you…How I couldn't leave you." She cried, "I'm so selfish!"

He didn't care! If it was because she was selfish, that she was here now, then let it be so… Potter and Weasley were dead, but she was here, and that was all that mattered!

"l love you, Draco." She was looking at him now, her eyes glistering.

She loved him… After everything, he had done? After all the horrible things he had said? All the bad choices and horrible decisions? All the hate and mocking and sneering? She…this pure, brave, clever girl who was so beautiful inside and out, found it in her to love him?

He wanted to tell her he loved her, too… But instead, he kissed her, trying to pour all the emotions, all the happiness, all the sympathy…all the love…into that kiss.

Her lips tasted like salt and dust and her tears were falling again, but she held onto him and he held her, vowing himself to never let her go again.

.

.

.

When the night fell they were all in the living room.

McGonagall had returned and gathered them together, telling she had important news.

Ginny was sitting alone in the armchair, Gryffindor scarf around her shoulders, staring ahead.

He wondered if it was Potter's scarf... Her face was wet and eyes red and she looked so lost, he reckoned this might be the first time, like ever, that he felt genuinely sorry for someone.

Granger was next to him. Her hand in his.

Blaise and Theo were there also. The first kept throwing worried glances to Ginny's direction.

"So what now?" Theo opened the conversation.

"You need to leave." Minerva said sternly, "They will round up Death Eaters. You'll be wanted for questioning. Hermione and I agreed you'd better leave the country."

" I won't!" He said looking sideways to Granger.

He had just gotten to hear, she was his to keep, and now he was supposed to leave her! AGAIN!

She looked at him with calming eyes. "I'm coming with you."

She was coming with them? to exile? She'd leave everything and come with him?

Suddenly leaving didn't sound like a bad idea at all...actually starting over somewhere far away sounded like a brilliant idea!

"Why?" Ginny was speaking, but not looking at anyone, still staring ahead.

Hermione seemed to hesitate, "I can't stay..." She said quietly.

"Because you can't face the fact that they're gone?" Ginny's voice was tight, hard and accusing, "You're really not coming to the memoir? What's wrong with you?!"

"I can't come, Ginny. I can't face it. I'm not going to speak some, good for nothing words, about how they died as heroes." Her voice cracked, "They died as men who fought their whole lives... who grew up too soon, and were forced to face the darkest wizards of all time as nothing but children! They were broken beyond repair long before they were dead…"

"And we weren't? You think it's ok they're dead because they were broken?" Her voice was mocking.

"We are broken! But we are alive! They died so that we could live…Harry died," She sniffed but her voice was strong, "so that his son can live in a world where children are safe!"

"He wouldn't know that!" Ginny cried out.

"He did!" Hermione got up and went to her, falling on her knees to look at her friend in the eyes, "I told him, Ginny."

Ginny was crying again silently.

"I had to…" Hermione whispered, and the other girl nodded: "I'm glad you did."

.

.

.

They didn't waste time. Before the dawn broke they were ready to leave.

McGonagall had promised to keep The Order busy with other tasks so that they could leave in peace. She had told them since the dark side had considered all of them dead, she didn't think they'd think to look for them. Granger disappearing would be another matter. But she had refused to step back.

"I'm not going to play the war hero, I'm not!" She'd said with determination.

He thought she was wrong. Who could be more of a war hero, than she was?

But who was he to argue...besides he wanted her to leave with them?

Ginny was going home to her family...the once that were still alive. She had her whole life to pick up before her baby would be born...

"Are you sure you won't come?" Hermione tried once more when Weaslette was leaving.

The redhead shook her head, "I need to be with my family...mum will help me with the baby."

"We could help you!" Blaise spoke up next to him.

Ginny smiled sadly, "Thanks Blaise, but I think you don't know what you'd be putting yourselves into."

Blaise took a step forward, "Then it's until next time, Red." He tried to sound light, but Draco heard the disappointment in his voice.

They embraced.

She let go of Blaise and came to stand before him now, "Malfoy," She said seriously, "Take care of her."

He nodded, "You can count on that."

She shook his and Theo's hand and hugged Granger whispering a good luck.

And with a whip of red hair, Weaslette was gone.

Granger was holding his hand as they watched the sun rose...and he knew: this was the dawn of something new.

.

.

.

Somewhere in the Tuscan countryside, he stood in the yard of their stone villa, warm breeze in his hair and endless vineyards ahead as far as the eye can see.

They had waved their wands for days to renovate the house and to make it into two living quarters. One for Theo and Blaise and the other for him and Granger.

It had been a rough couple of months. She had been mourning her dead friends and missing Ginny. First, he had thought he needed to cheer her up, but realized he was more of use if he just was there for her when she needed him.

And little by little she got better and started to laugh again. Sometimes she would still shut down and sit alone staring at the wall or cry herself to sleep in his arms. But little by little life was returning to her.

They had started to cook together again.

Sometimes Theo and Blaise joined them, and they would have an Italian cook-off in their kitchen. Sometimes the result was good food, other times a flour fight. And afterward, she would feel guilty that she had been so happy when Harry and Ron were still dead.

Six months after the end of the war they got an owl telling that Ginny had given birth to a healthy baby boy.

She cried for hours. And to be honest he wasn't quite sure if it was for happiness or grief?

But in all her sorrow she never forgot to tell him she loved him and that she was glad to be there with him. And those were all the words he needed to survive and to carry her through. He could do anything as long as she loved him.

She was his, and he was going to make her happy, no matter how long it took.

.

.

.

In the first anniversary of the war, she got an invitation to a gala held in Potter and Weasley's honor.

"I'm not going." She announced throwing the paper into the fireplace.

The day, when the others gathered together in fancy dresses, to honor the warriors of light who died as heroes, Andromeda and Teddy came to visit them. And together they held their own memoir, on the yard, in the darkening Italian evening. And none of them cared that three out of six people, attending, never liked Potter or Weasley and never fought for the Order. They had all lost loved ones because of the war. So, in the end, there were candles, one for each loved life lost, lighting their yard.

Narcissa

Pansy

Teddy's parents Remus and Tonks

Fred Weasley

Lavender Brown

Dumbledore

Snape

Vince and Greg

Theo's dad

Weasley

Potter

That night, when she snuggled close to him, he whispered a silent, "I love you" into her hair and felt her smile against him.

"I know you do." She whispered back.

And for the first time since he was a kid, he felt he could be genially content and happy.

.

.

.

Ginny arrived two months later with her little son.

They expanded the villa so that she got a place of her own.

And soon there were small feet running in their yard and childish laughter echoing in the halls.

Blaise and Theo, who had missed Teddy, took it upon them to 'be the model of a man for the Potter brat' as they said.

"He has prankster gene in his vanes, so you better keep him in line." Granger laughed, and Ginny shook her head smiling.

And he thought, that if Potter was somehow able to see them now, he'd think he didn't die in vain. That world was a better place today… That even if he was dead, his son would always have people who loved him around.

No matter how hard he wanted to deny it... he owed some of the happiness, he had today, to Potter.

Right at that moment, she turned to smile at him.

He smiled back because truthfully, he owed it all to her and her stubborn will to believe in him, to save him in more ways than one… to her strong persistence to show him this life had so much more to give.

 


	15. Epilogue

I stand on the platform 9 and ¾ and stare at the red train in awe.

I've heard stories about it, but I never imagined it to be that magical. And trust me, I know magic! I've lived among it my whole life, and I've had some great teachers. I can almost bet Hogwarts teachers don't know half of what my family does.

Next to me, there is a slight gasp of amazement. That is my cousin (not by blood, but I still like to think of him as such) Scorpius, he's five and most of the time a huge pain in the ass (DO NOT TELL MY MOM I SAID THAT!). Just kidding! He's a cool kid. And his parents, Uncle Draco and Aunt Hermione, are some of the coolest people I know. I think they know the answer to any question you could think of! And boy, do they know magic! I've seen Auntie Hermione do stuff, most wizards only dream about. I think that is why they both work as spell breakers for the Italian ministry. They have two children, Scorpius as I mentioned, and a three-year-old cutie pie Lyra. She has the wickedest hair I've ever seen. It's pure blond but a fizzy curly!

They are all here today, sending me off. My Italian family, I like to call them.

Let's see. I mentioned Draco, Hermione, Scorpius and Lyra already. Then there is Uncle Theo and Auntie Sofia, she is a muggle. Uncle Theo met her in the Saturday market, eight years ago, and I was told it was love at first sight. Ugh! Auntie Sofia is the best pizza cook, but she usually refuses to cook because she thinks it's so 'cliché', since she is the only true Italian in our family. They have a daughter, Simona, she is four.

I'm eleven years old and believe me, I can't wait to spend more time with people my own age! All my cousins are a lot younger than me. I love them to bits but…you know what I mean…

Then there is my family. My mom is the best mom ever! She plays quidditch like a pro! And you should see her Bat Bogey Hex! Even auntie Hermione can't match that! Once, she got mad at uncle Theo because he had forgotten to take our dog, Sirius, in for the night, and he had chased the gnomes around and the garden was a mess! I think uncle Theo never recovered from that… But if you now think my mom is cool you should see my papa! Mom told me he's not my real father…you know, by blood, the same way my cousins aren't really my cousins…my real father is a war hero called Harry Potter. Mom and Hermione told me stories about him, and I've read about him from books.

But I don't really care! My papa is my papa never mind the blood! And he is my favorite person of all! He tells the best stories and shows me the best tricks. And he teaches me to fly and to play quidditch! He told me that all the Hogwarts houses are good, and he'll be proud of me if I just try my best. He never really gets angry, but when he stares at you in a certain way and doesn't laugh, trust me, you know you're in trouble. And then he tells mom and mom does get angry for both of them! But it's rare! I'm a good kid!

Oh, and I almost forgot, I have a sister too, she's the same age as Scorpius and her name is Marie. When she was smaller I envied her because papa was her real papa and she had the same skin color as he. But then papa told me I'm every bit as much his son as Marie is his daughter, so I got over it quite quickly.

Yes, my family is noisy and yes, they tend to argue about stupid subjects, like which one is better Gryffindor or Slytherin, or can you put pineapple in the pizza... But I love them to bits! And I wouldn't change them for anything! Except for Hogwarts…yes, definitely a ticket to Hogwarts! Luckily, I'm already almost on the train so I don't have to think about that!

Oh, and did I tell you my name? It's James...James Bond! Haa! I always wanted to say that!

Well, really, it's not Bond...It's a way cooler: it's James Harry Zabini.

.

.

.

Draco watched the hassle and buzzle of the station, remembering the first time he was here quite vividly.

"Dada?" His daughter was in his lap, trying to get his attention.

"Dada when me?"

"When is it your turn?" He laughed, "Not in quite a while yet, dear."

Gone were the days when he was uneasy with children…when he was uneasy with people in general. And the days when he couldn't even dare to dream about a family he had now. The days when he thought he'd lost everything, when everything was just ahead of him…

He glanced at Hermione holding hands with their son. Before Scorpius, he had thought he couldn't get any happier…and then he came along, and there were a whole set of new colors in his life again. He had been scared he wouldn't know how to be a father, since he never had a good model for that. But Hermione told him to look at Blaise, who never had a father at all, and still managed to be a great father for James…who wasn't even his. He had realized a valuable lesson, pity that Blaise, too, had heard her…After that, no one ever dared to claim James wasn't really Blaise's son.

"Can you imagine, it hasn't changed a bit." Hermione came to stand next to him.

Hermione…His wife…after all these years he still couldn't believe she was really his! That he actually had her and she was not running away. That despite his emotional lockdown and difficulty of talking about feelings, she had still patiently worked her way through to him. Somehow, he had found himself looking at Blaise with James, and actually wanting that for himself too. She had believed that he could be a great father. And as if it hadn't been enough, she had told him she wanted to name their children after constellations, like the Black family tradition was. And more over she had added she wanted their children to be Malfoys. So, he took the hint and asked her to marry him.

He looked from his wife to Theo and Sofia, who seemed to be in awe about all the magic around her and then to Ginny and Blaise, kissing their son goodbye.

His advice for getting the life you wanted? Screw up everything. Wonder aimlessly, be blinded by what you've been thaught and don't ask questions. Decide you don't really want that, and then nearly die in the forest. That's a good start… You can boost the odds by calling the girl, who dragged you out of that forest, all sorts of names while she tries to save your life…

Or you could just admit to yourself, it was her you wanted all along. Saves you a heck-of-a-lot of trouble!

_I'm just looking to live to learn how to live_  
Slowly starting to see it's me    
_I will need to forgive_   
_Cos it seems like I'm stuck here between_   
_what I know and what I cannot know now_   
_With too many choices of which way to go,_   
_insight's a no show_

_I don't need a miracle,_   
_I'm much more predictable,_   
_I just need you to show me this life_

_And if you ain't too critical,_  
we could be something beautiful,  
I just need you to show me this life

_Take me home tonight_

_~Poets Of The Fall, Show me this life~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The end! Hope you found it satisfactory! I want to thank everyone who have stayed with this story! Thank you for reading! Kisses!


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